Journal
by nayaruss
Summary: Hinata finds out more than she bargained for when she reads Sasuke's journal after Itachi gives it to her because he's in a coma.
1. Chapter 1

_**Journal**_

I could only stare mutely.

Thinking.

Wondering.

Thinking.

Thinking and wondering why out of all people why would I receive this. It had nothing to do with me—nothing at all. The communication level between the person who owned this and I was rather low.

Extremely low.

Matter of fact, it was at zero…since the first.

I thought about it to myself and tried to run every memory that could slightly give off a clue of why or how and most importantly why.

I got up from off of my bed and grabbed the blue composition notebook. I had to give it back to the person who gave it to me; it wasn't mine.

And I had no right to read something that didn't belong to me.

Besides I'm positive it's a prank. He was probably laughing it up at his home, it's probably something weird in here anyway—something I _really _don't want to see.

I shivered at the thought.

When I reached his house, I stood there for a good ten minutes not remembering or fully remembering why I was here. As I slowly raised my hand to knock on the door; it swung open. I jumped slightly, and made a small noise.

That was the only indication for the person that someone was here and he stopped and didn't end up crashing into me.

He gave me a surprising gaze and a confused look.

I waved sheepishly, staring at the ground.

"Oh, Hinata, what are you doing here?" he asked, curious.

"I-I-Is I-I-Itachi h-here?" I asked him, stuttering not looking at those beautiful cerulean orbs, they called eyes.

He smiled at me, "No, he's at a meeting right now, but he'll be—" his eyes directed towards the notebook tucked at my side between my arm and hip.

"How did you get Sasuke's notebook?" he asked, confused.

"I-I-I," stop stuttering, "Itachi gave it to me,"

"Oh," he said plainly. The time went by slow. I could feel the silence only intensify as seconds went by turning into minutes.

"Well, Hinata, -" he said skipping all three concrete steps, as I still stood on the second as he flew by me.

"I'm going to Ichiraku to meet Sakura. She says it's not a date but if I'm paying for it, so it is." He said showing off his pearly white teeth. I only looked down blushing slightly. I could never be jealous of the relationship Sakura had with Naruto or the fact he liked her so much. She was pretty, at least prettier than me.

"Would you like to come?" he said interrupting my thoughts.

I looked up at him and he had that same smile on his face. I wanted to say yes, but I would have felt like a third wheel and I wouldn't want to do that to Naruto because he was going on a date and I would just be in the way.

"N-No t-thank y-you,"

"Okay, some other time then. See ya later," he said jogging away, grinning as he waved a goodbye. Even though he was already out of view I raised my hand to reply to his goodbye.

Now I wondered what to do. Should I wait for Itachi to come back or should I just leave it in the mailbox.

But before my head almost exploded from this serious decision the black Lotus pulled up into the drive way (A/Q Why do they call it a driveway and you park on it and a parkway when you drive on it?).

He got out the car like he was a super model. His walk towards me made time stand still as I admired his beauty. The silky black hair, narrow chin, pale peach skin, and the lines that went down his face didn't affect away anything from his goodlookingness. _I don't think that's a word._

I gulped at my thoughts.

"Hinata," he said when he saw me; a little surprised to see me sitting here. He took off his sunglasses to truly make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. He smiled at me.

A beautiful smile.

"What's wrong? What are you doing here? Did you finish reading the book, already?"

"That's the thing…I-I-I c-came t-to give it b-back. I h-have no right to p-possess S-Sasuke personal b-belongings l-let alone r-read them." I could feel the book slipping from my grasp because of my sweating hands. My throat was becoming dry under his gaze. It felt so weird.

I had never even talked to Itachi before.

Not because I didn't want, or because I was afraid –well maybe a little, but he was never here. He's been living in America for the past five years. I knew he came every holiday to see his brother and how he was doing but I knew Sasuke took it pretty hard when he left.

His expression went from confused to thoughtful to happy.

"Hinata, you're such a sweetheart. I really do see what my brother was talking about," he said grinning once again.

I was confused now. What was he talking? Why would Sasuke be talking about me?

"W-What?"I asked.

"Read it, Hinata, and everything will unfold, and reveal itself in time, but be quick because I don't know how much time he has left."

His words hit me hard. I heard the rumors.

But I never really took the time to confirm them.

"W-What happened?" I asked nervously not really wanting to bring up something that was none of my business.

His face became sadden by my question.

"Can we go inside?" he asked. I only nodded in agreement. Wow, I thought as I entered Sasuke's former house, as of now his brother's—the Uchiha house.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked walking into the kitchen.

"Yes, please," I said sweetly, trying to control my nerves.

Where we entered the long hallway was a beautiful burgundy color, the stairs were on the right side of the wall, right after the door that went towards the living room, and pass the stairs was where Itachi had just went into the kitchen. I made a right before the stairs started into the living room. The room was a light yellow color; the leather couch on the wall was a cream-color. The small oval shaped glass table in the center of the room had a white vase with one white rose in it and a photo album. The desk on the right of the room in the right hand corner contained a computer, a printer, a fax machine, a few papers, pens, paperclips, and three drawers. The two windows on the couch's wall and the one in the center wall where the desk was brought in the sunlight through the yellow curtains that blew in a slight breeze from outside from which Itachi and I had just came from.

I sat down on the couch and looked at the photo album. The material was a brown cloth and looked a little old and torn. The picture on the cover was of Sasuke when he was about five and the rest of his family surrounding him.

He looked…_happy._

Something I'd never seen from the Uchiha.

I opened to the first page and it was a picture of Fugaku and Mikoto's wedding. The next page was a picture of Itachi as a baby then one of Sasuke. Then there was one of Sasuke and Itachi together. Sasuke looked about a few months old. The next was when Sasuke was about five years old. I was surprised as I continuously turned the pages to see Sasuke so happy and after a while he just didn't smile.

"How come Sasuke doesn't smile anymore?" I asked as Itachi walked in the room with the two cups of tea in each hand.

"He really…hasn't had a reason to…recently." He said sadly. I didn't know if there was something I should have known by his tone that there was a deeper meaning to what he was saying that I should know about or was I just being paranoid.

I took small sips of my tea because it was hot. By the flavor I could tell it was Jasmines.

"The doctor's found a tumor in his brain about a year ago. Sasuke decided he wasn't going to tell anyone and would just do his own thing. The doctor called me without Sasuke's permission about a month ago to tell me if there were cancer cells they could spread throughout his body and eventually kill him. I came as quick as I could and convinced him to get the tumor removed. He went in for surgery to remove the tumor about a week ago and when the doctors finished…h-he didn't w-wake u-up," he choked out the words. "They removed the tumors, but he wasn't w-waking up," I could hear the aggravation and hurt in his voice.

"The doctors don't know what is wrong or what happened so all I or anyone else can do is wait..." the pain was apparent in his voice and I had no idea what to say. His brother was lying in a hospital bed, not knowing if he would live or die…what could I say.

Sorry?

"Hinata, I really need you to read that. Sasuke told me if anything ever happened to him. He wanted you to read it. He said something's are better written then said and the fact he was too much of a chicken to tell you to your face whatever is in that book. I'm guessing it's a real secret that you'll even be surprised to know and if he didn't right anything of whatever was in there he would have took it to the…" I noticed his pause and only nodded my head in understandment. The mutual conversation that happened after the tension faded was…nice. I never knew I could have a conversation of normality with the Uchiha brothers…or at least one of them.

I decided to go home when the clock hit around nine. Itachi offered to give me a ride but I told him I'd be okay.

For the first time of today I looked at the notebook, I hadn't noticed before that my name was the one on the notebook.

I opened up the notebook to the front page it was just a note on returning it to its proper owner…_or else. _

_You…(Us) _

_Hair, eyes, nose, lips _

_All the features that keep me whipped _

_Everything I want is what you have _

_And not even by choice…like you fell from the sky _

_My angel, my sweetheart _

_You're everything to me _

_The only thing I want from you… _

_Is you to be with me _

_(A/N I wrote that)_

It was beautiful. I thought to myself, was that for me?

No way.

But I continued to read.

_If you are not Hinata Hyuga you should not be reading this. Hinata I know this may surprise you but I have been watching you. Not in a stalkerish way,…but maybe I have._

_All I know is your different from everybody else._

_Different._

_I know you're wondering what is he talking about. Sasuke Uchiha, we haven't even talked but I have…secretly…at least in my mind. I've had the conversations I would have, the emotions expressed and _all _the things _we _would do…_together_. _

My face flushed at the words I was reading.

_So in this I'm warning you is everything, I've ever felt all my hopes and dreams and how I feel about everything including you because I knew you would be the only one who truly listen and…because…_

I turned the page. It was scribbled out completely. The words were unreadable.

I only looked at the next page.

_Dear Beautiful,_

_There is a true uniqueness about your look that attracted me to you. I know today when 'you bumped into me.' Yea, that's kind of not true. I actually bumped into you.' I could see that you were too nervous to even look up from your books that you carried in your hand so I decided I take the first initiative. For four weeks we'd been in the same school and I had no idea who you were. Everybody addressed you as the Hyuga girl. Nobody knew anything about you except you were Neji's cousin, the heiress of the Hyuga's, and you were too shy for somebody like me. So I had to find out who you were by myself...discreetly. Somebody who hadn't tried to expose herself to me, the first day she heard my name is…surprising, but it's been four weeks…that's just strange. _

_I couldn't see anything from my mere twenty feet distance from where you stood retrieving books out your locker because one your face was covered by your long blue hair and two Sakura's big head was blocking my vision. _

_When I saw the blonde head loud mouth coming in our direction, I took the opportunity, "Hey, Naruto, Sakura wants to ask you out on a date?"_

_Before I could even hear a response I was gone heading towards my new number one priority. I didn't really care anything about you just why you seemed so…different to not approach me and why nobody knew anything about you. _

_So I put my stoic face on and bumped into you. You fell. I was expecting a stumble or something near it but you fell. All your books scattered on the floor. _

_1st thing I thought was she's not that strong nor does she have a good center of balance._

_Then I helped you pick up your books. I had to be sort of nice._

_When I handed you your books, our eyes met…and not the normal way eyes meet…it was different._

_Just like you and I knew I had to know you, because…_you looked decent_, 2nd thought. _

"_S-S-Sorry,"_

_3rd thought, _Great, she stutters_._

"_Watch where you're going the next time," I said rudely walking away._

_The next thought in my mind was simple…how long would it take for me to sleep with you?_

_You were different so I should treat you different from the fan-girls and give a…real opportunity of something…worth wild. _

I only slowly closed the book. My mind still in a daze from what I just read. Sasuke Uchiha thought I was beautiful? He thought I was different? He wanted to sleep with me?

I only stared at the book in my hands. I swallowed spit and was really unsure if I wanted to continue to read. What if there were _descriptive _things of what Sasuke _wanted _from me.

The journal was suppose to tell me all there was to know about Sasuke Uchiha or at least what he felt about me. Was I really prepared for what he wrote in there?

I only placed the notebook on my dresser and lay in bed. I turned off the light and stared at the ceiling.

Sasuke and I had one conversation and we were already wet so…

_I stood slightly shivering trying to keep from getting completely wet. The rain was not letting up whatsoever and the guards weren't letting anybody in to the Hyuga mansion after curfew. I didn't know how I lost the track of time while I was at the library, but when the librarian came up to me and said they were about to close. I automatically froze. That meant it was almost nine. That meant I had twenty-five minutes to run home to the Hyuga mansion, all the way across town. I knew I wouldn't make it but that didn't stop me from trying. _

_I got to the Hyuga mansion at about nine thirty-three. They wouldn't let me in, no matter how much I pleaded. The pouring rain also did not feel sorry for me because it continuously fell. I only walked, drenched to the bone. _

_I had nowhere to go. _

_I only sat on a cliff under a few trees that sort of reduced the rain. I sat back against the tree only staring upon the ruins of what was left of the Uchiha manor. _

_It was under reconstruction because—_

"_What are you doing here?"_

_I turned my head not realizing I was being watched. It was dark so I couldn't see who it was._

"_W-W-Who a-are you?" I said standing up._

"_What are you doing here?"He repeated rudely._

_By the tone I could tell it was Sasuke._

"_S-S-Sasuke?" I questioned nervously looking down at my fingers, poking them together repeatedly._

_He only ignored me repeating his questions harsher than the rest._

"_I-I-I w-was—"_

"_Stop stuttering," he yelled angrily. _

"_I-I can't go home,"_

"_Why can't you? You're the heiress of the Hyuga clan." By his tone I couldn't tell if that was a question or a statement. _

"_You're not allowed after curfew."I couldn't tell anything by his body language because I couldn't see his body or face._

_I only stared at my feet and how dirty my shoes were walking in the mud, still poking my fingers together._

"_Stop that," he said less harsh than before._

_I didn't know what he was talking about so I only looked up where his shadow stood, not stopping any of my recent movements or habits. _

"_Stop that," he said walking up to me grabbing my hands. Finally. I could see his face as he stepped out into the moonlight._

"_It's distracting," he said plainly._

_I only looked down once again complying with his demands, trying not to squirm under his gaze. His grip on my hands was tight, but the warmth felt…nice. _

_Even though he was just as wet as me, he had more warmth than me. _

"_Let's go," he said pulling me down the hill. _

"_W-W-Where a-are we g-going?" I asked frightened as I tumbled down the hill. I just hoped he didn't kill me. _

_We arrived at the Uchiha manor. We walked into the gates and passed a few houses that were starting to fall. The only house that stood was near the end of the road and I guessed it was Sasuke's. He opened the door. He led me up the stairs before I could even look around. The bedroom had a king sized bed with a big blue comforter and sky blue walls. He took off his pants and his shirt. His took off his boxers but I quickly looked away blushing, severely. He threw a shirt at me. I continued to cover my eyes. _

"_I have on boxers," he said plainly. _

"_Do you have a bathroom?"I asked politely. He handed me a pair of boxers and pointed towards the bathroom in the corner of the room. _

_I walked in closing the door. _

_I changed into the clothing he gave me and walked back out._

_He was already in the bed, on top of the covers flicking through the channels, withdrawn. _

"_W-W-Where a-am I-I g-going t-to s-sleep?" _

"_On the other side where you see room," he said plainly. There's no furniture anywhere else in this house since I'm moving out tomorrow. I wasn't expecting it to be pouring down rain or have a guest so…you're going to have to just deal with sleeping with me, unless you want to sleep on the cold wooden floor."_

_I only looked at him. I walked over to the small rocking chair and sat down. _

"_C-Could you t-toss me a p-pillow?" I asked shyly. He threw one and I placed it behind my head. I closed my eyes, crossing my arms and breathing in a sigh of relief. _

"_Gosh you're so difficult," he said getting up. _

"_Fine you can sleep here, I'll take the floor." he said angrily._

"_I wouldn't w-want t-to do that to y-you,"_

"_Don't worry about it," his face was saying something else. _

_I got up from the chair and laid down in the bed. He placed the covers over my body and went to the floor. I felt bad, really bad. He was kind enough to let me come into his home, and I was kicking him out of his bed. _

"_S-Sasuke,"_

"_What?"_

"_You c-can c-come u-up here." He looked up from the floor at me with a questioning look. _

"_You sure?"_

_I nodded not looking at him. _

_He climbed into the bed and laid on top of the covers, looking at me._

_I could see we were both uncomfortable. I only turned away from him, closing my eyes, hoping I would get some kind of sleep._

_I woke up around one in the morning, the rain had slowed and there was small chill in the air. I looked over at Sasuke, whose face was so close to mine; I could've kissed him. _

_I removed his arm, gently, getting up to go pee and close the window. Returning to the bed, I regained my spot under the covers and placed Sasuke's arm back where it was on my waist. I went back to sleep the soothing sound of his light breathing. _

I wondered if you could count that as sleeping with someone. Well, I guess he did sleep with me so I guess he got his wish. Maybe that's why he stopped talking to me after that because he had already got what he wanted.

Yea, that was it.

Sasuke had already slept with me.

So maybe everything in the book would be as innocent as that was.

T.B.C

Review for continuation, tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Compromising**_

I could hear outside of my room the chirping of the birds, alerting the rest of the world that they were awake and it was time for the rest of us to get up too. I rubbed my eyes lazily. I had the weirdest dream that Sasuke was in a coma and Itachi gave me his journal and…

My thoughts stopped because the proof that everything that happened yesterday wasn't a dream. It was as real as it got and I—

"Hi—oh, you're awake," I knew that my cousin was surprised that I was awake, "What's wrong?" I heard him ask. My eyes hadn't averted from the notebook that lay on my nightstand the entire night. I hadn't realized when I had fallen sleep, but something told me a lot would be revealed about the 'true Sasuke,' that not many people knew about since the Uchiha massacre...and especially the death of his parents.

"I'm fine," I said looking up at my cousin giving him a reassuring smile because honestly, I was alright. I was alive and well, and had so much to live for…at least more than Sasuke and I wish I knew how to change his condition, what would be the thing that woke him up.

I thought back to the days when we were kids and life was so simple. When we were happy being just kids.

_The tears that lingered in my eyes were ready to fall. I closed my eyes tight and let them fall and tightened my fist together, hoping nobody would see me. _

"_You're such a crybaby, Hina," Sasuke teased walking closer to me, placing his hand on my shoulder, "what's wrong?"_

"_T-The m-mean—" he placed his finger on my lips, "Stop stuttering, it makes you seem weak…and it's unattractive." I blushed slightly at his words._

"_They took my necklace and they threw it in the tree and—"_

"_You can't climb a tree," he said finishing my sentence. _

_I smiled slightly, as he sighed and started up the tree. I wouldn't have cared if my mother hadn't given me the necklace. _

_When Sasuke came back with the necklace in hand, I quickly locked my arms around his neck and cried into his shouldes. _

"_Hina," he said pushing my body off of his body but my arms were still locked around his neck._

"_I got the necklace, so…please stop crying," he said handing me the necklace and wiping away the tears that lingered on my cheek. _

"_Thank you, Sasuke," I said smiling at him. _

"_Don't worry about it, I'm suppose to protect you," he said turning his stoic attitude back on. I only looked at him. _

"_Bye, Sasuke and thanks again," I hurriedly said placing my lips quickly on his cheeks and running off. I didn't look back embarrassed at what I just did. _

I smiled and blushed at the recent thought. I completely forgot about Sasuke and I's childhood friendship.

Neji only stared at me in shock; I had completely forgotten he was there.

"Neji?" I said still thinking of the days when so much was simpler the only thing you worried about was if the person you liked checked yes, no, or…maybe.

"Remember when things were simple and…"

"Sasuke was our friend," I only looked up at him, surprised. I wondered if Neji ever thought about Sasuke and if things could ever be different and how.

I only nodded at him.

"He's going to wake up." He said after several minutes of silence, but I could tell we were both remembering something about Sasuke, whether good or bad.

Saying those words, I knew he was reassuring himself more than me.

"What are you guys doing? We're going to be late?" Hanabi came in the room, a towel wrapped around her body and hair, using a Q-tip to clean out her ear.

"We're ready," Neji said.

"Maybe you are but Hinata is definitely not," she said looking at me, an eyebrow raised at me and my pajamas.

"Give me twenty minutes," I said walking pass them with the notebook in hand. I didn't want them to read it.

When I got to school, my thoughts weren't really focused on school work or the people at school. I opened the notebook in my bag and turned to the next page, from where I left off.

_If you are still reading this, I'm not surprised you have a lot more courage than people give you credit for. So my next thought of planning was how would I get you in bed. How would I approach the innocent, Hina?_

_It took me about a week to really go through everything I could do, would do and how I would do it but something stopped me. When I got to school that day there was a lot of discussion about you. People were taking interest in your innocence and…I didn't like that…at all. I nearly ripped off everybody's head that even looked at you the wrong way. _

_And I had no idea why._

_But on this day I learned a little bit more about the little brave Hyuga._

_Dear Courageous,_

_I didn't stay close, but I never strayed too far away because you were on the wall. Every two weeks a girl's name is put on the wall, and every guy who sees it tries to get that girl in bed because you're the girl, you're 'it.' The 'it' for every dude's hormones and I hated it. I watched you walk down the hallway, oblivious to all the eyes that watched you. Whoever didn't approach you, had to deal with me but there were some dudes that slipped through my fingers and ignored my threats, completely._

"_So me and you after school?" gripping you in a hug feeling on your buttocks I wanted to come and help you, but…_

_I just swallowed hard and tried to control my pride, but I had no idea why. _

_You tried to break free, but I could tell you were only surprised by his persistence. You pushed him away and he came back trying to place his lips on yours and I almost lost it. I didn't care about my reputation or about anyone else. I just wanted to help you and teach this guy a lesson. His grip tightened your waist and you seemed to let him do it, not wanting to fight anymore, but I was wrong._

_He wasn't expecting what happened and neither did I. First, you pushed him away, then punched him in the face and kneed him in the nuts. When he dropped to the floor in pain, it took everything I had not to laugh out loud. I held back the smirk on my face and watched as you picked up your bag and walked away and for some reason you reminded me of something…or someone. _

The bell interrupted my reading. I grabbed my bag and placed the notebook back inside and walked to the lunchroom. The chaotic activity that was going on in the cafeteria made it impossible for me to read anything, but I was hungry anyway. I sat at a table with Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, and Shino.

Even though everybody else was having their own conversations in their own world I could tell the table only a few feet from us was in their own universe.

Naruto, and Sakura sat alone at the same table staring up into space.

"They're taking it pretty hard; Naruto's trying to be cheerful as he can for the both of them, but…" Ino inverted our attention to her as she walked over to us and sat her tray on the table looking over at the two individuals in their own world.

I only looked over once again at the two of them not knowing what I could see to make them feel better about the situation Sasuke was in.

"Hey, Sakura, Naruto, why don't you guys come sit with us?" Shikamaru suggested to the two not too far from us. They looked over at our table and looked over at each other. Naruto gave a reassuring smile to Sakura and got up grabbing her hand. She refused and Naruto looked at her than at us.

He was trying to be a good friend and he had no idea how he could help Sakura. Sakura and Sasuke had never been together, but her feelings had never stopped and I don't think they were.

I got up out of my sit and walked over and everybody at my table followed suit. I sat down next to Sakura and placed my hand on her back as she started to cry in her folded arms on the table. I wasn't going to deny that I knew what it felt to lose a love one, but…her love was so one-sided.

I would hate to live like that…but I guess I sort of was.

I only shook off the thought. It wasn't about me; it was about Sakura, Naruto…and Sasuke.

"Sasuke…" she whispered in between sobs.

"Don't worry, Sakura, he's going to wake up and you're going to be his reason for it." The words escaped my lips before I could even catch myself. The words were foreign and I knew everybody was surprised I even said it and how sincere I sounded, but…

"Thanks, Hinata," she said lifting her head from her arms and wiping away the tears in her eyes. The small smile that crept on to her face made me feel a lot better and I could tell the words were something she really needed to hear whether she believed them or not.

I touched the necklace around my neck and smiled. Sakura got up and hugged me. That surprised me and everyone else at the table. Words didn't describe the moment that just happened and I couldn't believe it was real.

"I really needed that," she said releasing me from the hug, and she walked away.

"Thank you," she mouthed towards me and smiled as the bell rang indicating that lunch was over.

Naruto walked up to me and smiled a huge grin and grabbed me in a hug lifting me off my feet.

"Thank you so much, Hinata, I haven't seen Sakura smile since she found out about Sasuke, thank you, and so how you were able to make her smile," he said placing me down. His hands lay still on my cheeks and I hoped he couldn't feel the heat. My face was a bright red and I had no words. His face was all I could see, those blue orbs showing how truly happy he was…and that made me happy.

I held my breath and hoped this moment would last, I could feel his breath on my lips and my face flushed even more. His lips grazed mine and all the world didn't exist. I could feel the world turning in and out of a million different colors as if I was in a kaleidoscope.

Only a few seconds had passed and my whole world was turned right side up. I couldn't help but smile as my world went black and I fainted.

A3

My eyes slowly fluttered opened and the light blinded my eyes. The adjustment didn't take long but I was surprised as of why and how I got back into my room.

I rolled out of bed and looked around for my book bag and it wasn't there. I searched around my room frantically, destroying everything in its path.

"What are you doing?" Hanabi said running up the stairs to my room, "WTF, what happened to your room, it looks like somebody threw up in here."

"Where's my bag?" I said almost in tears.

"Downstairs, Neji was too lazy to bring it up since he carried you up the steps." She said plainly stuffing a rice ball in her mouth.

I calmed my nerves and ran passed her down the steps and took everything out my bag until I found what I was looking for. I held it tight, wondering why I cared so much in the first place for Sasuke's journal.

I went back to my room, hopping over all the disarray that I caused only a few minutes ago.

I opened up the book to where I was before.

_I knew once upon a time that I'd knew you, but I can't remember anything about you or how I know but for some reason I do, and that's what changed, Hina. I didn't want to sleep with you—at least not too soon because I…wanted to know you. I didn't want to just sleep with you because than I would just be like every dude that was at school. _

_And I couldn't do that to me or…you._

_I really don't know what I'm saying or why these feelings are even happening to me, but…_

_There's something about you that draws me to you and an emotion that comes when I see you that doesn't or I thought would never happen ever again. _

_Everything about you…is…_

The next few lines were crossed out and I couldn't make out what it said, but something told me it was important.

I turned to the next page.

_I'm so sorry about doing this to you, but the next few pages may get personal and I don't want you to assume anything about how I feel, if it's not said because I won't say anything that might compromise your relationship with Naruto…too much._

Naruto.

Naruto.

What did Naruto have to do with anything that Sasuke wanted to tell me? Naruto and Sasuke were best friends…are best friends. Did their friendship and Sasuke and mine's recent friendship and my crush on Naruto have to do with why I and Sasuke grew apart?

I guess I would have to continue to read to find out.

TBC

Hoped you liked sorry for long.

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	3. Chapter 3

_**Visit**_

The words weren't foreign to me or Sasuke.

Naruto.

Naruto was—is Sasuke's best friend and Naruto is my long time crush.

We've never spoke about Naruto to each other because…

Well I don't really know it might have been because we both have changed since we were kids and so had our relationship and sometimes people just grow apart right?

Or maybe not.

At least that's what this journal was telling me.

It was around midnight and my eyes could barely stay open. I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling as I turned the page to what might tell me why Sasuke and I aren't friends. Why everything between us changed? And what Naruto has to do with the situation. I inhale a sigh as I turn the page trying to muscle up some energy and stay awake.

I turned the page anticipating words to be written and there was nothing.

Turn the page.

Nothing.

It confused me.

Continuously turning the page the rest of the book was empty.

What was I suppose to do now? And what did that mean? Was that all Sasuke had to tell me? Did he want me to start to contemplate on every situation that might be or what could be or had happened. But all I could do was stare up at the heavens and pray to kami that Sasuke would wake up because I had to figure out why?

Why he kept these secrets?

Why he wrote this journal and how—how he really felt?

How he felt about Naruto, his brother, his family, his life…and me?

My mind was racing as my eyes kept telling me I was sleep deprived. My eyes slowly shut without my permission…and all I thought about was him.

A3

A3

The sunlight hit my eyes but I kept them closed and turned on my side not wanting to move.

"Hinata," I heard Neji yell. I ignored him not feeling the urge or the surge of energy that I usually get when the morning happens on a school day. I turned on my stomach and covered my head with a pillow, ignoring everything around me that ignored my wishes of more sleep.

I could hear the hard pounding on my door, by Hanabi.

"Hinata, get your ass up," she yelled through the door. My head started to pound at every knock she did. I winced at pain that inflicted every time she did it.

"I'm coming!" I sort of shouted but sounded like a mutter under the white fluffy pillow. She disappeared and I know she'll be back in about five minutes if I'm not up soon.

But I don't want to go to school, I can't I have something important to do that will not get accomplished if I have to go to school, and school will be a waste of life because I'll only be anticipating on what I want to do and not care about school. I can hear Neji's hard footsteps climbing up the steps as if he's a murderer in a scary movie.

He knocks on the door, lightly, sneaking a peek at me through the door and whispers, "wakey, wakey." He says playful, but his demeanor quickly changes, "What's wrong?" he asked, concerned walking closer to me. I lift the pillow off a side of my face and look at him.

"Don't make me go to school, Neji, please," I whine childishly. He only smiles at my antics as I wait for him to pick me up and say no.

"Okay," he says finally. I remove the pillow from my face and sit up, gripping the pillow in my hands.

"I know you're worried about Sasuke and you want to go see him. So I rather you pretend to be sick then skip school because I know you. Something's up with you, more than you are letting on. Even though I don't know what it is. Something tells me it's going to change both of our lives…and Sasuke's," he adds.

I smile at him and my face lightens up since that's out of the way because I hated lying to him, and happy I won't have to.

"But you'll have to convince Hanabi," he says quickly, souring the mood as her footsteps became more and more apparent on the hardwood hallway floor. I quickly get under the covers, and put on the best front I ever have.

"What the hell is she still doing in bed?" she asks Neji who looks like he's tucking me back in.

"She can't go to school. She's sick," Neji's a better liar than me.

"Why are you lying? Hinata doesn't get sick? What's really wrong with her?"I could hear her slowly approach me.

"You can't go near her or you'll catch her cold?"

"And that's bad because…?" she says matter-of-factly, "I wouldn't mind missing a day of school, either."

"We're going to be late, Hanabi," he says pushing her out of the room and closing it as they leave. Well I know sleep isn't an option so I just wait about twenty minutes until after they leave to get up out of bed and get dress, take a bath, brush my teeth and not in that order.

I put on my jacket as the October winds of autumn are warning us that I could really get sick if I'm not careful.

The hospital was quiet when I walked in doctors were roaming around grabbing there clipboards, while others had just arrived. There were a few old people, and some parents with their children for a normal checkup. The many wings of the Konoha hospital I had no idea where a coma stricken patient would be or a clue of how I would find Sasuke.

I asked a woman at the front desk where I could find Sasuke Uchiha. His name was found immediately and she sent me to the fifth floor of the hospital.

The two glass doors that slide open into his room were closed. I placed my hand on the glass—it's cold, I thought. I looked at Sasuke—whose body was inert in the half-lighted room. I opened the door slowly hoping I could handle what I was about to do, hoping this was the right thing to do, and hoping everything didn't blow up in my face.

The freezing air in the room pushed me aback. I stood there silent for a second trying to comprehend why his room was so cold compared to everybody else's.

"Are you visiting Mr. Uchiha?" the nurse asked as she entered his room.

I only nodded at her, but she walked right by me into his room too quick to see me.

"Why is it so cold in here?" I asked, curious.

"I was just about to bring the room back to normal temperature, but it's to stimulate his nerves. We don't do a change too drastically. We change the temperature for about five minutes to help his brain adjust to the fact that he is still alive and we want him to wake up. We play things from his childhood to make him feel more comfortable, like his favorite books, CDs, etc. his brain activity has improved tremendously since his surgery but he hasn't opened his eyes."

I looked at Sasuke's motionless body; eyes closed, pale skin, pink thin lips, black spiky hair, sort of.

Along the back on his skull all you could see were the stitches that were sticking out, probably from the surgery. I smiled at thought of what Sasuke's going to say when he wakes up and finds out somebody cut his hair.

Hopefully.

I could feel my eyes water at thought.

A slight twitch of his finger made the whole mood change.

"Did you see that?" I asked quickly, more cheerful than expected.

"Yes, but don't get to happy. That's been happening a lot too. He twitches his fingers and sometimes moves his lips as if he's about to say something but no words come out."

My mood soon died within the five seconds of her sentence.

You should get the best nurse award of the year, I thought sourly. The room was silent while she took his blood pressure, monitored his changes in his heart rate or brain activity, took some blood and put more fluid in his IV.

When she left I sat down besides Sasuke's bed, I was cautious not wanting to touch him because he seemed so fragile and frail. I didn't know if I was allowed to touch him, or even if I spoke would he hear me.

I sighed at my nervousness and worry.

If he couldn't hear me think of all the things we've never said to each other that could have changed life itself. The solar system might be put out of alignment.

"Sasuke?" I whisper almost inaudible.

Nothing.

"Sasuke," I say again, hoping something, encouraging would happen.

Nothing.

I gave a half-hearted smile to myself.

"You never did like it when I called you Sasuke-kun, remember that. You would always yell at me or ignore me for calling you that. You said nicknames were better for the both of us, and we were the only ones allowed to use it because we were special." I smiled half-heartedly at the thought of when we were eight and he told me this, "And you remember when you thought me to climb a tree and I pushed you off saying I was the queen of all Konoha."

My thoughts quickly became sadden when the heart monitor started to speed. It wasn't by a lot but it was enough that I noticed. Then it seemed to be skipping beats. I got up to the call the nurse but it soon went back to normal.

"You always did have me worry didn't you?" I say more to myself then to him, sitting back down in the chair.

"Remember when you went to go fight that bully for my mother's bracelet. I didn't want you to get hurt because of me, but you scared him off. As if it was nothing. And I gave you her necklace you got from out of the tree. You saved a piece of my mother and I gave you a piece of me. I know you probably don't have it anymore," once again I felt as if I was talking to myself. I felt tears well up in my eyes as the thought of my last image of Sasuke would soon change into this depressing one. I grabbed my jacket off the chair and stood up.

"Please wake up, Sasuke, so you can finish your journal or better yet tell me yourself," I say looking at him.

His heart rate slowed once more as I slid the door open and left.

I don't think that visit went exactly as planned, more or less because I didn't know what to say. I didn't talk to Sasuke since the third grade after my mother died. When I needed him the most he started avoiding me. I needed a friend, but I guess it wasn't his fault. Soon after his mother died his whole clan was killed, the thought just hit that maybe somehow he knew more than he was letting on and to make me feel better he just avoided me completely, not wanting to reveal the truth. My father said she was in a car accident he wouldn't lie about something like that would he.

And I'm positive if I visit Itachi; he might help me with some of my questions, at least about the empty pages in the journal.

TBC

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	4. Chapter 4

_**Weakling…**_

The sky's had been warning me all day that rain may come and the fact that it did didn't surprise me, but when I arrived at Sasuke's house, I was drenched. I knocked on the door, praying that he was home when the thunder started and flashes of light started across the sky.

"Who is it?" he yelled on the opposite side of the door. Before I could answer the question the door swung open.

Wow! Was the only thought that came to mind; at the door was a very inebriated Itachi Uchiha. He reeked of alcohol. He stood at the door with a robe on—opened in his boxer. His eyes were blood shot and his hair was out of his usually ponytail.

"Hinata?" he said realizing it as me, "sorry," he said plainly moving out of my way inviting me in.

I walked in cautiously, looking around the house. It was a mess since the last time I was here.

"Is everything okay?" I asked slowly as I walked into the kitchen, where the only light in the house laminated, skillfully dodging the clothes and flipped over furniture.

Itachi followed me as if there was not a tragedy going on in this house.

I sat at the counter waiting for him to explain. I turned on the coffee machine, and waited for it to start brewing.

When the coffee finished I passed him the cup. He stared at it for a second then back at me.

I could tell something was troubling him. I knew it had to be big because Itachi didn't seem like the person to drink away his problems.

"It'll help," I said trying to reassure myself as well as him—I just hoped his demeanor had nothing to do with Sasuke.

He only looked at me giving a half-hearted smile. A lingering tear escaped his eye and fell into his coffee.

"Would you give up?" he asked plainly, still staring down at his coffee. I looked up at him, by his words, and I knew what my answer was, but what did he mean? Was there something wrong with Sasuke?

"N-No," the words came hoarsely out of my throat. I could feel the tears hit my cheek as the worst thoughts came to mind.

"I-Is h-he—?"

"No," he said tracing his finger over the cup of untouched coffee.

I quickly wiped away my tears wondering what the problem was. I just visited Sasuke today, there's no way—well anything's possible, but…

"The doctor's suggest I should give up," he said looking up at me, that same half hearted smile appearing on his face. A small chuckle escaped his lips as he sipped his first sip of the coffee.

"They say no response; probably no chance. And I guess I don't understand how doctor's can be so heartless, like they wouldn't do the same for somebody they cared for. They don't understand that the _probably _is what keeps that person going. That…" his lip started to tremble as his words came to a halt. He bit his bottom lip and words lost me. I didn't know what to say to comfort him.

"Everything i-is going to be o-okay," I said hoping that was a start to making him feel better.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked seriously looking at me in my eyes. My mouth opened but words did not escape. I was a terrible liar. I had to believe that Sasuke was going to be okay. Sasuke was going to be okay…he had to.

"Yes," I said as convincing as possible. Itachi simpered and finished the rest of his coffee, "Thank you, Hinata," and I didn't know he meant for the coffee or my fake comforting skills.

"You're welcome," was all I could respond.

After the silence lingered for what seemed like forever he spoke again, "So what are you doing here? I know you weren't just in town when the rain started," he said sipping on his third cup of coffee.

"I actually came because the journal you gave me the rest is empty. There's like only four pages with written words on it and then…"

"Yea, I know, my brother doesn't trust me for some reason. He caught me reading his journals one time and he went ballistic. I almost died from laughter, but anyway. He has this other journal upstairs in his room, with a lock on it. I guess he thought that would do some wonder in making me unable to read it, but it's just your birthday."

"What?"

"The pass code to open the journal is your birthday. I haven't read it because that will be destroying the remainder of my brother's trust, but I had to find the pass code just to show him, I'm not that nosy besides I'll find out eventually what it says when you two get together." He said matter-of-factly, finishing off his coffee.

My eyes narrowed at his words, but I just ignored them.

Walking upstairs to Sasuke's room was different. Itachi went to the bathroom, but told me to go on ahead. He might be in there for awhile. Sasuke's walls were a dark blue. His bed was round with an off shade of the dark blue on his walls. There was a painting of the Uchiha symbol on one of his walls. The bed positioned between two corners. There was a window on the opposite side of the room. Next to the window was the computer desk that I came up here to see. The journal that Itachi spoke of was sitting write on the keyboard where he said it would.

The numbers lined down the journal from zero to nine. I entered my birthday and the journal beeped. I opened it.

The handwriting was sloppier than the one in the other book and was dated ten years earlier.

_Dear Mommy, or am I not supposed to write that._

_I don't know but I do know you want me to write this so I don't keep all my feelings all bottled up inside and I promise I'm fine. There are no hidden feelings or any secrets for anyone or about anyone. _

_But…_

_But…_

_I can't believe I'm saying this, but there is something that is troubling me. _

_Itachi's been acting a little weird lately. A lot weirder than usual more plucks to my forehead and such and I don't know what it means. _

_But…_

_Dad's being nicer to me since I got my fire ball jutsu…sort of. _

I was surprised this journal had a pass code, but Sasuke expected his mother to go in it.

The journal entry ended there.

I turned the page, sitting on Sasuke circular bed. It flopped down slightly.

_Mom,_

_You won't believe it. The girl, the Hyuga one, Hinata, she…she kissed me. _

_It was…something._

_It was really…something._

I read the words over and over and over again trying get the tone of what Sasuke was saying. Was that a good something or a bad one.

I wasn't sure. I turned the page; a knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.

"I see you found it," he said, smiling slightly. He sat next to me on the bed and handed me a cup of tea.

"It stopped raining," he said plainly. I felt a little hurt that he was trying to get rid of me.

"Oh no, not like that," he said seeing my expression or feeling my hurt, "I know how your family can get sometimes and I don't want to be harassed by them, that's all. "

I believed him. There was no reason not to and he was completely right, especially when Neji was involved.

I smiled at him, walking towards the window, "Would y-you mind if I stayed here?" I asked, surprised at my words. I slapped my mouth quickly realizing what I had just asked.

"I loved for you to stay," he said, "But you would have to stay in here because I already have the couch. Sasuke doen't believe in guest, for some reason,"

I only nodded at him.

I opened the book once more continuing where I had left off.

_I couldn't even stop it. I couldn't stop none of them, either of them. I can't believe I was so weak. How could I ever be a great shinobi when I left…_

_Everybody I know…_

_Gone…_

_Forever._

_And now I lost more even though they—she isn't dead…_

_But…_

_I won't even be able to protect her._

_Any of them,_

_Ever _

_Because I'm too weak. _

My eyes narrowed at the words on the page. He had to be talking about his families' death. They were all killed by some unknown assailant.

But I never knew Sasuke saw them die, I can't believe he had been holding the burden of that for so long. Thinking he was the cause of their death because he was too…weak.

It wasn't his fault but I guess those words were futile now.

TBC

Sorry for suckiness, but it was a filler the next few chapters will explain a lot more, promise.

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	5. Chapter 5

_**Letters to Loved Ones**_

The pages to come had been within the year. I guess they were written when he found out that he had this tumor. I couldn't believe Sasuke was going to continue through his life without anybody knowing about it and die…alone.

My heart ached slightly at the thought.

_Dear Dad,_

_I won't give you the benefit of getting the best father of the year award because you weren't. You treated Tachi like a whole other being outside of me and paid more attention to him, because I under accomplished everything he did even though I was still better than the rest. _

_Even though._

_But._

_You still were my father and I guess I can't change that. _

_Dear Kakashi sensei,_

_Guess what, I'm dying, but seriously you were—the only—but the adult figure I needed and the male role model who was like a father to me, teaching me about who I was and turning into. With all your abnormal sex talks, and perverted readings, and telling me about how woman change your life…I can say you were right…completely. _

_Even though I'm shamefully, and completely embarrassed to say…I will die a virgin, by choice._

_I've been waiting for that special person, but I guess time is not my best friend is it, all the time. But you've thought me a lot and was like the father I wish I had all throughout my life, so I guess I can say…I'll sort of miss you. _

_Your Virginity Having Student_

_Sasuke_

I blushed at the words that Sasuke was still a virgin. He was so…

I don't know, it was just a thought I guess, and him being a virgin just wasn't one of them by how many girls, literally, throw themselves at him, you just think one night…

Experiments. Experiments.

Or maybe not.

Maybe Sasuke was the guy who was completely different then the masquerade he put on for everyone…he really was different.

And I wish I knew the true him…

But I guess it was too late for that.

_Dear Mom, _

_I haven't opened this journal up in a long time, have I? Sorry, I guess—not really. I'm only writing because my time is now limited. I haven't told Tachi, no need for him to worry about me. I rather die now with this burden I've been carrying sooner than later. Do you know how long I've wanted to tell her the truth about everything, about more than I should know, but once again I can't find the courage to do it. I feel so weak and helpless how couldn't I help her? She was my friend. Now a fucking tumor is what's going to be the death of me, I thought it might be an aching heart. A heart filled with grief, disbelief, sadness…love. You want to know what else? I don't know I guess I'm just rambling on, now, but I guess I'll see you soon._

_Your Dying Son,_

_Sasuke _

The tears that welled up in my eyes weren't a surprise. I didn't know what I was feeling. I never knew words that weren't said could hurt so much. I could feel my heart reach out to the Sasuke who wrote this, the Sasuke I had longed to be my best friend as a kid again.

_Dear Itachi,_

_Formalities, I guess, might be necessary, I'm not really sure, but I want you to have everything. It wasn't like I have anything…or anything that was important or what I wanted. You might know what that feels like I'm not sure. _

_But have you ever wanted something that you could never have, or to feel something that was just not tangible. I don't know if it is what I'm feeling or what I've wanted to feel for so long. I guess you were right it has been since I was young. I guess I just never wanted to admit it to anyone—including myself, so you're the first to know and most likely the last. She doesn't need to know any of this because it's not her burden to bare, but do me the favor and make sure she takes care of herself and that she's…happy, no matter who it's with. _

_Your 'Love Sick' Brother,_

_Sasuke_

I couldn't help but feel a peg of jealously for the female that Sasuke was talking about. And it seemed Itachi knew who it was. I wondered if I asked would he tell me. But why do I care?

Because he was my friend once upon a time.

_Dear Sakura,_

_Hmmm, I can't even believe I'm writing you this, but I want you to know that. We've been friends for awhile now, and even though I can't stand you. I can't erase those moments that shaped me. You were one of those persistent people, who wanted me, but never knew me. I don't know if that was intentional or not, so you could see who I really was, but…I don't want to leave on a bad note with…anybody…so_

_This is my goodbye._

_Sasuke_

Out of all the times to admit you love Sakura, Sasuke it wasn't very apparent in that letter. It was as if he was just saying goodbye, no emotion attached at all—only because he felt he had to too, because he felt it was right. But why? Had he met a whole other being that wasn't Sakura, maybe Ino?

_Dear Naruto, _

I blushed slightly at the name.

_The hyperactive loud mouth ninja…the name suits you well. You always treated me like a friend and I appreciated that because you brought me out of my shell, when my family died, slowly, but surely and you never gave up on me, even when I took detours away from the right decision. _

_I considered you a friend, too, even though we were complete opposites._

_But, we were and always will be rivals. _

_But I'm going to tell you why you were my rival. _

_It wasn't because I believed one day you could surpass me, or anything near the idea, but I knew that was your reason for becoming my rival because I was and still are better than you and because of Sakura._

_Oh, Sakura, the prettiest girl in the Academy,_

_At least to you she was, and she wanted me, she even thinks she's in love with me, but don't worry you'll have her after I die, but that's why I'm your rival, just for the same reason your mine. _

_Because you're in her eyes._

_Your eyes were on Sakura and her eyes were on me and that stung deep, and so many people thought I couldn't feel the emotion of jealously or have insincerities but I did and it was all because of you—at least indirectly because of you. _

_Her eyes were only on you and I questioned everything I did to you. Why were you so special and I wasn't? Why did she…more than me? And since I am your friend I'll tell you this now. You'll have a real decision to make when I'm…dead, and not like which ramen should I get?_

_And there's no redo's or let me just have both, you're going to have to really look inside yourself and ask who would I like to spend the rest of my life with when I become Hokage?_

_I know you'll be up for the challenge. Don't believe me?_

_Believe IT!_

_As you would say_

_See ya, _

_Well maybe not, but…_

_Your Friendly Rival,_

_Sasuke_

The tears that fell couldn't be controlled Sasuke was in a hospital bed, slowly dying of a broken heart. He had nobody to say, come on Sasuke we need you to wake. The only person was his brother and his friends, but the person he really wanted was the girl that liked Naruto.

Naruto Uzumaki, my long-time, almost forever crush was…amazing, but clueless to how I felt about him.

But who else liked Naruto?

Sakura had budding feelings for him, but the only other person was…

Me.

My mouth was dry and time had stopped completely there was no way Sasuke had any 'feelings' for me. Why would he? He's Sasuke.

No way.

But so many things about him were…unexpected.

So was him…really farfetched?

I wasn't sure, but maybe this journal would tell me.

The next few pages were empty and the sadness became more apparent. There was no way Sasuke hadn't written me a letter. Maybe it wasn't me after all. Maybe he was just…I don't know, but I was upset and didn't know why.

But then the writing reappeared.

_Dear Hinata,_

_I'm so sorry, that you'll have to find out this way, but I can't find it within myself to tell you this in person. _

_But the rest of this is for you. I skipped a few pages so nobody would actually find yours and read it. The average person would look beyond what was their but I knew you would because you're…you. _

I blushed at his words.

_So let me start off with some good news first…I guess._

_I've missed you, probably more than you'll ever know…and I feel like such a coward for not being there for you when your mother died, and avoiding you all together throughout the years. So many secrets I've kept from you and you were my best friend and I'm completely ashamed of myself for that, but…_

_I have to tell you this before I lose the nerve…I love…_

_**Your hair**_

_When Sakura and Ino always argued that Sasuke Uchiha likes girls with long hair, but I never really caught an interest at all, until I saw you. Your long blue, indigo hair blew in the wind looked so beautiful. I just wanted to run my fingers through your locks and feel how soft your hair was. But what I really love is the way you twirl your hair on your finger when you're nervous, it's unconscious, but I noticed._

_**Your smile**_

_Smiles are a precious thing indeed and when you do it everything wrong just becomes oh so…right. I feel grateful that I have the opportunity for an angel to smile down upon me. But what I really love is how you display that smile to everyone, no matter how you really feel about them. You always show it, no matter the situation, your anybodies and every body's friend. The way you slightly lift you head up forty-five degrees to the west and smile at me, it's unconscious, but I noticed._

_**Your eyes**_

_Those pale orbs that I love to stare at make my day every time I see you. I feel like you can see right through me and right to my core when you look at me. But what I love most is when your eyes become slightly wider when you're surprised, or confused._

_**Your blush**_

_The small tint that creeps its way to your cheeks is adorable. The way your face slightly turns downward and your bangs fall slightly in front your face covering you face, faintly. Even under the darkness of the shadow your hair brings you can still see the red tint that's there. _

_**Your laugh**_

_Growing up my goal in life was to make you laugh because your laugh made me laugh. You would always try to hold it in. A small smile would come upon your face and a small chuckle would escape your lips. Inwardly, I would smile at my accomplishment of making you happy because when you're happy I'm happy._

_**Your lips**_

_There thin, yet full. _

_There soft…(hopefully)_

_And very much kissable_

_Very Very Kissable_

_Especially when you bite the bottom right corner of your lip of feel fully enticed to pull you into a kiss._

_(nothing more to say)_

_**Your …assets**_

_Not only do you have physical assets, very appealing to look at, but you personality shines through to everybody. It's impossible for anybody to hate you because you're just that awesome. _

_You let nothing harden your heart no matter how many times you've been hurt by people you care about. You still treat them the same and give the same respect because you are so forgiving. _

_**Your beauty**_

_Everybody, for some reason, must be smoking crack because everybody seems to not notice how outstandingly beautiful you are. Sorrowfully your beauty isn't something that I love about you, but makes it only a bonus for me._

_**Your forgiveness**_

_At least as I remember you as being extra forgiving, so I hope you'll be as forgiving as you are with everybody when I have to tell you this…about your mother._

The book slipped out of my hands at the mention of mother what would Sasuke know about my mother that I didn't.

I picked up the book and turned to the next page and…

TBC

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	6. Chapter 6

_**Truth of it Is**_

_Your mom wasn't killed in a car accident._

The words stuck out like a sore thumb. How did she die? How did he know that? Why would my father lie to me about…my mother, his wife?

I could only stare at the one sentence on the page not only because it made the biggest impact, but it was the only one there. That one sentence answered a few questions I had but opened up the door for so many more.

But how?

How did she die?

And how did Sasuke know?

What else did Sasuke know that I didn't?

But it suddenly hit me what if I didn't want to know. I was so content that my mother died, and what if was something…

I wouldn't want to see my mother dying like that,

But I had to know the truth.

I couldn't believe Sasuke wrote this, how could he write this and not go further on why, what…? Did he think this was a game? I got up off the bed and looked out the window. The sky was dark and stars twinkled throughout the sky. A few people were closing up shop looked exhausted as I stared at the window observing the four men.

"You're not sleep, yet?" I heard the voice call from behind. I jumped slightly. It was Itachi. I looked at him and saw his pale body in the light of the lamp. He stretched his arms up behind his head and yawned lazily.

"You should get some sleep," he continued with his mouth open. He smacked his lips together a few times as he walked closer towards me. I quickly stared out the window as if I hadn't ever diverted my eyes from it in the first place. He chuckled slightly.

"You must be exhausted, what's wrong?" he yawned again, "Excuse me," he apologizes, rubbing his eyes a few times then blinking them as well.

"I don't think I'm the one who's tried," I said a small yawn escaping my lips. What can I say it's contagious?

"Really?"

I would have said something but another yawn escaped me.

"Do you know what happened to my mother?" I said changing the subject.

He noticed and his eyebrow lifted at my statement. He diverted his eyes toward the window. A sigh escaped his lips.

"What do you mean?" he said touching the glass with his hand, "didn't she die in a car crash?"

And by his tone I could tell he didn't believe it himself.

"Why do you sound so unsure?" he looked at me and his eyes connected with mine. I could tell he was begging me to not go into it. That he wasn't suppose to talk about it. That he wanted to forget it ever happened. That he knew exactly what happened and he wanted to tell me but something was holding him back.

But I couldn't, I needed to know.

"You w-would tell me if you knew anything right?" I questioned.

"Of course," by his tone I couldn't tell if he was lying or not.

"Itachi, p-pl—"

"Hinata, I honestly don't know. If I did—" he stopped he looked at the window, then at me, then at the journal in my arms.

"Who knew you'd put me in such a pickle little brother?" he whispered to himself. He looked down at the floor. I don't know how long we stood silent. But it felt like forever. I felt the air stuck in my throat, but I could feel and see the same in Itachi. He walked over to the bed and sat down. He looked up at me.

He patted it inviting me to sit.

"I don't know what happened to your mother I just know it wasn't a car crash."

And his words reminded me so much of what Sasuke wrote. But him saying it had so much more impact. It made it more tangible, more believable.

But it didn't stop the pain. I could feel my heart start racing in my chest and my breathing sped slightly. The words repeated over and over in my head. For so long I've been lied to about someone I've cared about. I had been lied to about why and how she was taken from me.

"So w-what happened?" I asked after minutes had passed. Even though he said he hadn't known. He had to know more than that. How could Sasuke know and he didn't?

"What do you know?" I quickly changed the question, so he couldn't give me too vague of an answer.

"Not much," he said, and he was avoiding the question and my eyes.

"Sasuke blames himself for the death of half our clan, do you know that?" I didn't know that but why was that relevant to my mother's death. I shook my head to his question.

"B-But why is—?"

"Yea, I guess it doesn't seem important now but what happened to your mother wasn't anybody's fault, nobody's, not Sasuke's, nobody's." and him saying those words only made me think that somebody was at fault and that person was Sasuke.

"Your mother was murdered," the words hit me like a truck, like an avalanche, like a landslide, and the pain resonated in my body as the tears slowly slide down my cheeks. His words not only gave my heart a strange ache but it brought back the night when the police came to the door to tell us she died…that it was all because of an accident.

But it wasn't an accident.

I wondered if those police knew what really happened. How long it took them to make up that story she died in a car accident? Why would they lie to a grieving family…wasn't the lost already enough? What if my father knew? Was he lying to me to protect me? How was this lie affecting him? And was he ever planning on telling me how my _mother _really died?

Itachi waited for his words to sink in and it took awhile. The sun had started to rise by then. I blew the snot from my nose and wiped me tears, not with the same tissue.

His eyes looked comforting even though he wasn't saying anything. I had felt relieved that he had stayed up all night and made sure I was okay. That I didn't do something crazy like attack my father or the Hokage for answers or jump off a cliff when I didn't get those answers. He gave me a half hearted smile and I could tell he felt my pain.

And it hit me.

He and Sasuke lost his whole family and I was sitting here being all emotionally because I found out my mother died differently than I thought. My problems didn't compare at all. There whole family was gone in an instant. They had nobody but each other. I guess I was lucky to still have my family whether it was incomplete, disapproving, and uninspiring towards me in the beginning. I still had someone around to love me, hate me and everything thing else families go through. My mother had been gone it didn't change the fact whether she was murdered or not, but it still hurt.

"I don't know the full story," he said looking up at me, "but Sasuke has more guilt than he should,"

"Why?" was all that could escape my lips. Why was Sasuke so guilty if what Itachi saying about him is true? He shouldn't feel anything towards my mother's death when he had his traumatic experience.

Itachi looked at me and turned his head. He swallowed hard. I could tell this was hard for him. I felt so selfish because he was so kind and nice to me and I'm just bringing up all these bad memories.

"I'm sorry, I'm making you uncomfortable. Bringing up all these memories I'm sure you wished you could forget. I'm really sorry," and my rambling continued.

Itachi chuckled.

Why was he chuckling?

"You're a dork, Hinata, let me point that out. There's no reason to apologize you have questions and I sort of have the answer. It's hard because I didn't know. For a long time, Sasuke kept this burden to himself because he didn't want me to carry it. He didn't want to be a bother because I had to take over the business so it didn't fall off. My dad left it to me and he died a little after I turned thirteen. I was really mature for my age, but I couldn't handle a company of that stature. So I studied hard when I went to college at 15 and graduated when I was 17. I was back, but I had to bring the business a float, so he never spoke to me much. I mean we talked about girls and school, but I'd never known he was hiding something. I always thought what type of brother I was to not pay attention to the signs or his change in demeanor but I was too focus on continuing not only my dad's but the Uchiha legacy." He watched my expression as the information sunk in. the more he spoke the more curious I became and I just wished he say it.

"My brother watched your mother die,"

TBC

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	7. Chapter 7

_**Closer **_

"_My brother watched you're mother die…"_

The tears that rolled done my face were unstoppable as I walked myself home. I had to leave for more than one reasons. Itachi had a visitor and I had imposed on him too much and he gave me all the information he had…so I didn't need to bother him with my questions…he already had done so much for me. I wiped away the tears but they still slowly rolled down my cheeks. I ignored the looks I received from the bystanders passing me by whispering how the Hyuga had lost it completely, but I didn't care. The only thing that mattered right now was not only Sasuke revival to shed some light on the situation but the truth.

Reaching the Hyuga Main Gates I wiped away my tears and sucked in a deep breath. I was trying to reassure myself that nothing would go wrong. And hoping my stubborn father could shed some light on the situation. I couldn't believe it in my heart that my father would keep this from me, but deep down inside, it would be just like him to do so.

The maid let me in, greeting me, politely. I returned her greeting and walked straight for my father's study.

"What were you doing at the Uchihas'?" His voice was hard, demanding and angry. I closed the door and looked at the knob. I twisted it and repeated the process of opening the door.

"Okay, so let's try this again, hello, father," I said harsher then I intended, but he had no right to be upset. What gave him the right? I was the one struggling to find what feelings were right to feel and trying to separate all these jumbled up emotions and feelings. He twisted himself in the chair and faced me for the first time. His eyes were narrow, angry.

"Don't be a smart ass. Why were you at the Uchihas?"

"Am I not allowed to be friends with the Uchihas?" I asked sarcastically. I wanted him to be angry, to feel the hurt I feel. It may not be the same but at least I felt some power that his anger would be because of me.

He sighed and pushed the glasses from the tip of his nose to the bridge of his nose and snorted. His eyes darted at me, angrily. His stare was intense as I could feel my insides turn and my skin shiver and my bones shatter under his gaze.

A small smirk crept upon his face, and a small chuckle escaped his lips.

I ignored him; I only had one priority at this very moment to find out the truth of my mother's death.

"What happened to my mother?" the words were barely a whisper and caught in my throat before they escaped. My father's face stayed the same as if he hadn't heard.

"What happened to my mother?" I raised my voice slightly.

"What are you talking about she died in a car accident?" and by his tone I could tell he knew the truth. But something was definitely reassuring about his tone and his posture, when he first told me he hadn't known the truth. He couldn't lie to me because he really believed what happened was true…back then. His tone, his tears, his words were all he knew of what happened. But when did he find out the truth about her and why did he keep it a secret?

"You're lying." I said plainly.

His jaw tightened and his teeth were visibly clenching in his mouth as his noses snarled.

"You're calling me a liar," the smirk returned to his lips. He was trying too hard to stay calm.

"What really happened to my mother? I know she didn't die in a car crash!" I shouted. I hadn't meant to but it felt so good to release some of my fury, even though he wasn't the problem…fully.

He chuckled some more and you could hear the air escaping his nose.

"You'd listen to the Uchiha brat over me. I knew I should have gotten rid of all of them. What would he even know about your mother? Was he even there? Did he give you specific details? Well, he is more believable than your own flesh in blood maybe you should go live with them and change your last name, while you're at it!" he retorted back loudly. I couldn't believe he said that and I didn't but did know why. He hasn't been able to coop with my mother dying and my resemblance to her. He's hated me for it. He also hated that I've been so weak, and a disgrace to the family name. I swallowed back the tears but very few escaped. I quickly wiped them away hoping he didn't see it.

"Hinata…I-I'm sorry," he whispered so softly I barely heard it. He looked up at me, his eyes moist. He bowed his head, taking his glasses off his face, and placed his hand over his eyes. You were so young; you couldn't handle s-something like that. It w-would break y-you, I knew it would b-because it nearly broke m-me." He looked at me and our eyes met. I could see the hurt not only in his eyes but in his heart. I couldn't believe it he held more pain than anyone in the family knew, at least especially more then I knew.

"I had to be strong…for you, Neji, and Hanabi. So I stayed aloof, restricted and it worked, not so much, but I never thought you'd find out—"

"I haven't found out and that's the problem," I interrupted.

He smiled at me; a genuine smile as a small tear escaped his eye. He let it fall freely, "You remind me so much of her." He looked over on the book shelf were there was a picture of their wedding photo. He gasped slightly.

"You have her looks, her smile, her grace, her finesse, her essence, and her strength."

Strength?

I had my mother's strength. I smiled at his words, but I was sure he didn't realize how much they really meant to me.

"Dad," I walked closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm older now I can handle it…I just want to know the truth."

He nodded his head at me, "You should get your sister and cousin."

I went to get Neji and Hanabi as I felt my phone vibrate. I didn't even look at it. Something more important was happening and if they had something important to say they would leave a message.

Neji, Hanabi, and I were sitting in front of my father waiting for him to speak. I closed my eyes waiting for the words, the story, the truth, everything.

"Hinata has brought to my attention that I need to be more honest with you guys and…myself about…your mother death." Both Neji and Hinata slightly gasped at my father's revelation. He sighed, inhaling a breath.

Exhaled.

My phone vibrated once again.

Stopping calling me obviously I am ignoring you.

"Your mother didn't die in a car crash she was…murdered." He paused as the newfound information sunk into Hanabi's head, but Neji didn't bat an eyelash. Did he know already?

"A-as in k-killed?" Hanabi's words stung because all the hurt of our mother's death was resurfacing.

"Y-Yes," my father's voice cracked. He cleared his throat.

"She was killed because she was keeping the secrets of the —"

"Why do you sound so proper about her death like it didn't matter? Like it had no effect on you? She was your wife…my…our mother. Why are you telling us this now? It's been almost ten years!" she shouted through the tears running out of the room, down the stairs and out the door.

"Hanabi!" my father ran after her. I didn't fight him because Hanabi would probably do something stupid.

I looked over at Neji ad I was about to question him about what he knew but my phone vibrated for the seventh time.

I took it out my pocket ready to give whoever it was a piece of my mind. It was Naruto. My heart started to flutter slightly and face flushed at the thought of why Naruto would be calling me.

"Hello,"

"_Gosh, it's about time. You weren't picking up for Itachi so he asked me to call you. You would think you are the Hyuga heiress how long would it take you to get to the phone…" his ramble continued._

"Naruto, why are you calling me?" I interrupted curiosity over taking me even though I was happy to hear his voice. I hadn't seen him since I first tried to return the journal about a week ago.

"_Oh sorry, Sasuke's awake," _his words made my heart beat leap, and my face slightly flushed and my hands became sweaty as the phone slowly slipped from my grasp.

And all fell black.

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	8. Chapter 8

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_**Your Apologies**_

My eyes slowly fluttered opened slightly baffled by the darkness that surrounded. Ordinarily it would be bright and blinding so much it was hard to comprehend. I looked down at the gown I was wearing and confirmed my stay was at a hospital—Konoha hospital most likely. I got up slowly my body aching slightly, but my head throbbing repeatedly. I winced at the pain.

I fell slightly lying back in the position I had already woken up in. I tried again, without much success. I took a deep breath and sucked in all the pain rising from the soft cushion on the bed. I turned my legs off the bed and stepped my feet on the freezing cold tile floor.

I walked slowly towards the door just in case I had a roommate and I wasn't suppose to be up. I looked out the door and tiptoed ninja-like to Sasuke's room. I slipped in and to my disappointment he wasn't there. I scurried my way to the nurses' desk where one nurse was staring at the computer scene, blankly.

"Um, hi,…" she didn't look up at me only pressing control, alt, delete over and over again, "do you know where Sasuke Uchiha's room is?" she looked up at me eyes narrowed.

"Shouldn't you be in your room…sleep?" she retorted venomously.

'_Shouldn't you know the computer needs to be turned on, for it to work?" I thought sourly._

"Shouldn't nurses be nicer?" I retorted back innocently.

She only sighed aggravated.

"You should turn it on," I said matter-of-factly, knowing even if she felt like it she couldn't tell me where Sasuke was without a working computer.

"It is," she sighed aggravated.

Some people were just not meant to work with people. She pushed the button for the monitor to come on and it didn't which surprised me. I followed the cord and found that if had been unplugged. The simplicity of her problem was so complex she couldn't even get up to make sure it was plugged in. Good thing nobody was in grave danger; I'd be scared if my life was in her hands.

When the computer screen came on, she uttered "thanks," sourly.

"Shouldn't you be home by now?"

"I was just about to leave when this young lady asked for my assistant."

"Yea, you know you are incapable of working a computer and besides floor five has a spill that needs your assistant, since you're still here" she smiled beamingly, trying to cover up shamefully the rudeness in her statement.

"He's in room 3G," the lady said before getting up and walking away.

I went downstairs and looked for room 3G. Two things surprised me when I walked into the room: one, the face that Sasuke was up and staring out of the window and two, was the fact that this was my room, the room I had woke up in from the beginning. So I wasted about thirty minutes of my life.

"Took you long enough," he said plainly, not looking at me. That wasn't the greeting I was waiting for, but I guess how would he know I had read his journal and most of what his feelings were for me, even if they weren't as apparent in person or concrete; they still are there…for me, unless he forgot, or it was all a joke.

But nobody would joke, knowing death was…so close, not even Naruto. A slight sting in my heart made me aware of where I was and who I was with. I looked up at him, remembering the words he had just said to me. I didn't know what to say, _Sorry, there was an incompetent custodian at the computer. I was to intent on finding you then to just logically come back to my room. _

Everything would be awkward, no matter if Sasuke knew or not. I could barely look at Sasuke without a blush sneaking upon my face. Don't get the idea that I have fallen for Sasuke just because his words were so moving and deep that I want to be with him forever. No, it wasn't like that at all. I blushed more so because I didn't know what to say, didn't want to lead him on, because I didn't like him in that way, or ever even thought about it, until now. What it would be like…with Sasuke and not Naruto, even though I wasn't with Naruto.

Every girl has a fantasy.

"Itachi told me he gave you the journal. Look-I-I," he turned towards me, his eyes glowing in the moonlight; his hair was shorter than the last time. The bandages wrapped neatly around his forehead slightly covered by his bangs, "I told him… I really don't know what to say," he said finally turning back to the window. It was awkward for him to. I know how hard it must be for him to try and keep up the stoic attitude when I know how he feels. What can I say to soften the blow? What can I say at all? What can he say? I know how hard it is to live in a one-sided affair. It's only your imagination that supports your pleasure. Nothing tangible like reality, but the dreams you dream every night hoping they come true, even though they never do.

"Did you finish the journal?" he asked after the eternity of silence.

I really wasn't sure if I finished the journal. I read those lines that had been on my mind for the past three days. They stood alone the paper but I didn't know if that was the end.

"What really happened to my mother?" I asked inaudibly. I hoped he hadn't heard me. I had a right to know true, but how could I be so selfish. Sasuke had just recently woke up from a coma.

After realizing he didn't hear me or cared to answer, I asked a different question, "H-How are you feeling?"

"I promise you don't want to know the answer," he said venomously. And I could tell by his statement it had everything to do with this situation, the journal, my mother, his feelings and my—not so much.

"Sasuke—" I pleaded slightly not only in my voice, but with my eyes. I hope he understood; I couldn't talk about this not now. A small pain came to the back of my head. I grabbed it slightly, feeling the bandages that had been wrapped around my head from my fall.

"Are you alright?" he came to my aid, looking into my eyes lightly placing his hand on top of my hands not really knowing what was wrong with me, "Why are you in here anyway? What happened to you?"

"I fell," I said, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that it was because of him. A small chuckle escaped his lips, "You're such a klutz," he smiled at me.

The silence that overcame us wasn't as awkward as before. I looked into his eyes and could see all the things I hadn't seen before. All the hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness, and love in his eyes were pouring out to me to listen, to understand, to hug him, to kiss him and I could almost see myself doing it…almost.

I moved my face away from his and breathed a sigh of relief. That was too close for comfort.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I looked at him and he understood. He stepped away from me, his back turned.

"I guess nothing's changed."

"T-That's n-not true," I reached out my hand towards him and I couldn't even believe my words. Everything wasn't the same, but everything that mattered to him, to us… was. I still liked Naruto, and I couldn't see past that. How could I? For years I had been waiting for Naruto to say he's felt the same, even though he hasn't; I can wait. I'm very patient.

"Really? What? What has changed since I've been in a coma? Since you've read my journal? Since you've realized you don't feel the same way I-I do."

"Sasuke!" I shouted.

"Since you realized your feelings for Naruto won't, can't change because you love him. Since you realized you can barely keep a conversation going because it's just awkward. Because you know exactly how I feel—"

"Stop! Stop it!" the tears started to stream down my eyes. I covered my ears, trying to block out his words. Trying to block the ringing out and the hurt in my ears, trying to block out the stinging in my heart because all he said was true.

All of it and there was nothing he or I could do about it.

I couldn't just turn off my feelings for Naruto and fall for Sasuke just because I knew he would return them. What if Naruto and I were meant to be? He's just as clueless as I was about Naruto. I figured it out maybe he would to and maybe, hopefully it wouldn't be as bitter as this situation. Hopefully it would be different.

Sasuke stared at me. I removed my hands from my ears.

"I-I'm—" I had no words. I'm sorry would not repair his wounded ego, pride or…heart. I'm sorry wouldn't make me feel better about the situation. I'm sorry wouldn't make me forget about Naruto. I'm sorry wouldn't make us be together.

He walked back towards the window and stared out.

I wiped away my tears, sobbing slightly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" he closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, tightening his fists. I understood. Sasuke was never one to bite his tongue. He was sorry for making me cry, nothing else and it was hard for to express that.

"I understand," I said placing my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, his eyes…

"Remember when we thought we could outrun the moon?"

I nodded knowing he couldn't hear me, but he continued, "I thought running away from my past, my family, my memories, and…you would make it go away, but somehow, just like the moon—"

"It was always there," I finished his statement unconsciously.

He turned towards me and I couldn't help but look away. He grabbed my chin forcing me to face him. My breathing started to increase slightly by his closeness. He wiped away the track of the tears that lingered on my face with his thumb.

"So nothing's changed?"

I swallowed hard. I tried hard to turn away from his gaze but everything was telling me to moment was right, in more ways than one.

I nodded slowly, hoping this would just be over. Hoping my heart wouldn't beat out of my chest. Hoping, I was making the right decision. His lips, his face was coming closer to mind. He was slow yet quick and I didn't even see him. I closed my eyes shut. I was ready. I pulled my lips inside my mouth, hoping he would get the hint and just…

Nothing happened.

I opened one eye. Sasuke lips were millimeters from mind. I could feel his breath on my lips. I could hear, feel his heart against mine. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. His lips grazed mine and he pulled away, "I'm sorry to hear that," he whispered as if it was a secret between the two of us. As if something had just happened that would somehow have an impact on me. As if somehow I would magical fall in love with him…

A small smirk appeared on his face, "Is there a reason your lips are puckered?"

The question surprised me, I hadn't noticed the position I was in. I straightened myself up and tried my best to smile as if I wasn't embarrassed, as if I meant to make myself look like an idiot.

"Unless you want to kiss me, but that's only if you _really want to,"_ the words sounded seductive leaving his tongue.

"I wasn't—I was only doing lip-ups. You know they make you a better kisser." Wow, I must have sounded stupid not only because I have no idea what a lip-up is, but I've never even had a kiss to know if that is a legitimate exercise that works.

"Really?" his eyebrow furrowed upwards, as he made a face that looked interested in what I said. I glared at him through narrowed eyes.

"Yea," I said playing his game.

"So you wouldn't mind showing me this exercise, would you?" slightly through me off guard, but I had to stay on my toes. A small blush creped upon my face, as his face continued to glow with that smirk of his.

"Sure," that through him of guard. He smirk fell slightly and his eyes widen slightly and his head tilted waiting for my demonstration. I pushed out my chest slightly, and straightened my back. I puckered my lips out slightly and retracted them. I did this repeatedly feeling foolish, but I wanted to prove a point. Didn't know what the point was, but I was definitely proving it by making a fool of myself, hopefully.

I stopped and looked at Sasuke. He was repeating my actions. I smiled, thinking if I looked like that…wow, just wow.

He stopped and looked at me. A smirk appearing on his face again, and he said, "Am I doing it, right?"

I didn't know.

"…"

"I think I need a better demonstration," he said moving closer to me. Before I could even retort, his lips were on my mind. I could feel the urgency in his kiss, for me to understand he was putting every feeling he has ever had in it...for me. I could feel his passion, the heat and I could feel…my heart racing in my chest. I could feel the world stopping; as if only he and I existed and it felt…different from anything I've ever felt before.

When our lips released, he stared at me. Reading my expression, as I read his all you could hear throughout the room was our breathing. The awkward silence overwhelmingly outweighed by the satisfaction from the kiss.

I had no words. I had no…regrets. I wanted to kiss him again, no matter what that meant. I just knew that it was wrong to lust for Sasuke's lips and yearn for Naruto's love.

TBC

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	9. Chapter 9

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Don't own characters

_**Finally (A Date?)**_

When I got out of the hospital, I learned that my father had urgent business somewhere not near here, so that meant I wouldn't be learning about my mother anytime soon from him. In some respect, shamefully, I had forgotten about it for the recent days after I spoke to Sasuke. All I really thought about was Sasuke's lips on mine. How much I wanted them there again, and the regret my heart was feeling because Naruto was nowhere in my thought process.

I already knew that feelings for Naruto were still there because every thought of him made me blush, weak in the knees, the butterflies flutter in my stomach, and my heart pump with fascination that the words he spoke would be, 'Hinata, I love you. Be mine forever,' or in that vicinity.

A small headache had still clung to my head after my fall, so Neji was kind enough to let me stay home from school. I wondered, unconsciously, if Sasuke was at school. Would he be so stubborn to not follow doctor's order? I wondered if he was receiving the same treatment he was before? And I wondered if Sakura had visited him yet?

I got out of bed. I needed to move. I needed to do something, besides sit around and feel sorry for myself, think about Sasuke, Naruto, or Sakura.

Turning on the shower to a hotter temperature than normal, I shuddered when I stepped in. The doorbell rang distracting me. One of the maids would get it. I wondered who would be at the door at eleven in the morning, when the average person was at work or school, probably a delivery.

I started singing the song described what I wanted, _Can't Find The Words by Karina Pasian. _The song described how I felt I couldn't find the words to say to Sasuke or Naruto. I stepped out of the shower and walked towards my room.

"What are you d-doing here?" slightly angered by the intrusion, he only smiled at me. He stared at me, while I stood dripping wet in my towel.

"Nice singing," he said playfully. I only rolled my eyes at him. Keeping an angry face at Sasuke was a lot harder than it looked.

"You look good in a towel, maybe we should see how good you look without it," he said rising from the bed and circling around me. I flushed significantly. He chuckled, placing his butt in the same spot on the bed as before.

"Look, sorry, to make you uncomfortable, it's hilarious, though, you make it too easy," he said falling backwards, flopping on the bed. I just stood there, waiting for him to state what he wanted, so I could get dress. Why couldn't he just leave? I was ready to yell at him, "Look, about the other day…" he trailed off, "I'm not sorry; actually, it's all I've thought about. All I've—" he stood in a swift motion, and walked towards me. "It's all I've wanted to do to you for years, well, maybe more but it's a start right?" I turned away from his gaze. A simper came upon his face; I hated myself for being so…I didn't know. Why couldn't I be in love with Sasuke? Life would be so much easier if I had. I didn't want to hurt him. I couldn't hurt Sasuke because I didn't want Naruto to hurt me. Knowing how it feels makes it completely harder for me to honest with him, but honestly I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

"Hinata, you can't keep avoiding me, avoiding my eyes, avoiding my words doesn't make me less visible or less true or diminishes my feelings for you."

I hadn't said anything; since the time he'd been here and I wasn't planning on saying anything that could compromise me or him. I couldn't find the words.

"Get dress, I'm taking you out for lunch," he said walking pass me out the door. I could hear his footsteps as he went down the stairs. I stood stupefied by the thought of Sasuke Uchiha demanding me to go to lunch with him.

After I got dress, I was trying to find the courage to say no Sasuke I will not go out with you, but it only came out as, "Where are we going?"

"I don't know,"

"J-Just s-so you know t-this isn't a d-date," the sentence came out so wrong, I wanted to take it back. Sasuke face stayed the same as if I hadn't said the words. His eyebrow furrowed upward as he stared at me.

"And who said it was?" he retorted back, rising from the chair he sat in slouchy in. I blushed a darker than normal shade of red. He smiled a grin that said his thoughts were too inappropriate to be said, which only made me blush more.

"Don't worry I'll be the perfect gentleman," and in the undertone of the statement there was so much more. I couldn't read into it because I was usually wrong, but something told me he would enjoy this day and inwardly I was hoping I would too.

He grabbed my coat and led me out the door without another word escaping his lips. The chill in the air of November only told the stories of December and what it brought to me besides Christmas, my birthday. I would be another year older making Hinata Hyuga seventeen years of age. Go me! I was thrilled to get out of the house since my stay at the hospital. The city streets weren't as busy with children in school, but busy enough with adults who were on their lunch breaks.

The air was filled with different flavors of food, the scent of cigarette smoke and autumn air. The gray clouds in the sky seem to warn of rain and there was a hint of the scent as well, but I hoped it wouldn't. The sun shined through the clouds and smiled on the people in Konoha.

Sasuke took us to a small little café on the other side of town. It was new place that I had never been to before. It was small place with few people inside. We sat on the far side of the entrance in a booth. The two walls were painted midnight blue, while the others were ivy. A few framed pictures of night lighted streets decorated the walls. The floor was tile and black. I thought the place had an interesting look and if you were a person such as myself wouldn't understand the artistic message tone, under all of the colors and framed pictures and the way everything was placed.

I didn't understand it but I knew everything had a place and everything was in its place for a reason.

"This place is really nice," I stated looking around. It was hard to describe the atmosphere, even though…I did know it felt almost peaceful.

The waitress came to the booth. Her light brown hair was tied in a bun. Her eyes were sky blue, and her face was round. Her nose was pointed and her lips thinned. She was pale, but darker than me. Her freckles were in no particle pattern on her face. Her glasses hung lazily on the bridge on her nose. She was skinny, the uniform hung off her as if it was too big and she stood clumsily. She smiled at Sasuke and me. I knew she was thinking we were a couple.

"What can I get you guys?" she said cheerfully.

"I'll take a burger with everything on it and some fries, please," he flashed her a grin, and she squirmed uncomfortably as he did. He slid out the booth, "and a Sprite, I'll be back Hina." I blushed at the nickname I hadn't heard since I was six.

"He's cute," she said bubbly, "How long have you been together?" I felt bad having to ruin her mood, but I didn't want to lie to her either.

"A while, not too long" I said sheepishly. It wasn't a complete lie if you thought about it. Together? What did it really mean? Me and Sasuke have been together a while since childhood. But if you wanted to get technical Sasuke and I have been together for about an hour and a half. Maybe we weren't together as a couple, but we were together physically, in the same area, type of together.

She smiled at me; "You guys look good together," another blush snuck its way upon my cheeks.

"Thank you,"

"By the way, I'm Nani," she said reaching out her hand.

"Hinata," I said returning the handshake.

Sasuke returned, "Did you miss me?" he said playfully.

After giving her my order, she went back into the kitchen returning soon after with our drinks.

"Why did you do this?" I said before the awkward silence could take over the atmosphere

"Do what?" he looked up from what was so entertaining in his cup of Sprite.

"Asked me here…after what happened in the hospital," his face was somewhat surprised looked than thoughtful. After what was said in the hospital I wouldn't want to see me again let alone invite me to lunch. Staring at a person you can't have, or someone who doesn't share the feelings you do is torturous to the mind, heart and soul and shouldn't be unwillingly.

The left side of his face lifted barely enough for me to notice but I did.

"I'm not completely processing what you are trying to say," and I knew what he was doing. It was word play trying to figure out what I felt so he could dodge around it and make me view my own thoughts in a whole new light.

I sighed, hoping I wouldn't regret my words, "Look, I know how it feels for…to be…" the words that were being processed in my mind weren't coming out right, "I know how I feel about, you know how I feel about Naruto and I know how he feels about Sakura and I know how Sakura feels about you," his face didn't change. He leaned closer to my face, hand gingerly touching mine, while the other held up his chin.

"And we both know how you don't feel about Sakura, and how Naruto doesn't feel about me, a-and…" the words were bitter on my tongue. They were stuck in my throat, choking in the process of my speech. So long I wanted someone I love to love me back and here was Sasuke…and I had no idea what to do with it or him.

A small tear lingered in my eyes. I closed my eyes and they fell before I could wipe them away, Sasuke beat me to it.

"Don't cry, please. I'd do anything to never see you cry," he said sweetly.

"Ahhh," Nani came with our food in hand and smiled down at me and Sasuke. I grinned sheepishly.

"It's the same reason you still have your feelings for the dobe, even if he makes you happy and I don't I would—"

"Sasuke? Hinata?" the angelic voice came through the door and I hoped for the first time in my life that it wasn't him. I couldn't turn around to face him, the situation, anything…at least not yet. I wasn't ready even though it was as innocent as a puppy.

"I knew it was you guys," he said sliding into the seat next to me. He grinned wildly, reading into the situation more than necessary. His arm was draped over my shoulder and I blushed madly. I could feel the heat radiating from my body.

"I didn't know you guys were seeing each other,"

"W-we're not," I quickly reverted before Sasuke could agree. I could feel the tension as Sasuke sat staring angrily at not only Naruto, but at me.

"Oh…okay, can I talk to you real quick, Hinata?" he asked.

It surprised me; I nodded slowly, contemplating of what was going on and what he would ask.

We went outside, my back towards Sasuke. I wouldn't be able to listen to Naruto with Sasuke's eyes boring into Naruto's back.

"I've been waiting for the right time to do this…" he said nervously, "Will you go out with me?" the words came quick. I closed my eyes to make sure what I heard was correct.

"What?" I repeated.

"If you don't want to you—"

"I'd love too," and that described it completely.

"Really?" I nodded.

"Perfect, thanks, Hinata," he hugged me tightly. He ran away waving me a farewell. I exposed the grin, I had been holding in for a lifetime. All I could think was finally. Yes. Yes.

I ran into the café remembering I wasn't alone.

"Sasuke, guess—" he was gone.

I looked around, but he was nowhere to be found, "He left. He looked kind of upset." Nani said returning with a dish rag to wipe off the table.

I didn't know what to think or what to feel. I had to find Sasuke and apologize, even though he left, and I should tell him about my date with Naruto. I tried hard to not get giddy about it every time it played over and over in my head, I could help it.

It wasn't as if Sasuke knew Naruto was going to ask me out and he knew this could have happened.

I noticed before I left on the table the journal was still there. The napkin on top was written on; it said '_You never finished.'_

I wondered what else could I have missed, what could I have not known, but I knew I would have to find Sasuke and ask about my mother and…

Even though Sasuke was upset with me, I had a date with Naruto and nothing could ruin that for me, nothing. I grabbed my coat and stepped outside in the pouring rain.

A minor setback in finding Sasuke, no big deal.

TBC

Review for continuation

Hoped you enjoyed

Criticism welcomed

Not proofread


	10. Chapter 10

So **Sorry** for the long wait. I have no excuse except writers block and broken computer.

_**Wishing**_

A week has gone by since Naruto's asked me out and Sasuke stormed off. My mind was so confused on what I was suppose to do or how I was supposed to feel. Naruto and I have been out a few times and it's been great, everything I've dreamed it ever be.

I went back to school three days ago and Sasuke wasn't there. He hasn't been home and he was missing doctor's appointments. I was worried about him. I felt a sting of guilt every time anybody mentioned his name or I would look over and see his desk empty, collecting dust from his long absence.

Arriving at school, Naruto met me at my locker like every day. We talked about trivial things that happened the day before, when we arrived at my 1st period class, we shared a kiss and he was off to his class.

Every moment with Naruto was cherished in my mind no matter what we did, what was said, my heart fluttered, and my stomach contained butterflies. He was so great to me. He made me feel special, happy and…loved? Something I've waited for a long time.

I walked in the classroom and sat in my normal seat. I watched as people slowly piled into their desk. The chatting in the room increased in volume when the bell rung. Students waited impatiently for Kakashi-sensei to walk into class. I wondered how he never got fired for being late every day, but he was a great teacher. When he arrived the class quoted down immediately. We were study Shakespeare's sonnets. Thirty minutes into class strolling into class was none other than Sasuke Uchiha. I looked at him. He only kept walking by me to his seat. His hair was in disarray and he had bags forming under his eyes. Kakashi didn't say anything for a few moments. He only stared at his book.

"Nice to have you back, Sasuke," he said finally, revealing a smile under his book. Sasuke only grunted in his seat. I look back at him. He's not looking at me and I don't whether I'm upset or relieved. Upset that he doesn't have the audacity to look at me or relieved because I wouldn't have to face him yet.

He lifts his head and I quickly turn away; my head in the book hoping he hadn't notice or felt me staring at him. I felt a flush rise in my cheeks from the embarrassment that I couldn't even face him. I still didn't have the courage to tell him the truth or look him in the eye knowing I did nothing wrong.

…I did nothing wrong.

When the bell rung indicating that class was over, I decided I would confront him. Let all this be water under the bridge because it needed to be. I still wanted to be friends and I still wanted to know what happened to my mother.

Sasuke was avoiding me. There was nothing else to say he was completely and utterly avoiding me. Naruto and I, after school, went to the library for a study date, even though there wasn't a lot of study, I couldn't stop the urge that maybe this was for the better. Maybe Sasuke and shouldn't be friends because of the 'feelings' that are shared between the two of us—he's and my isn'ts.

Autumn. Fall. Day light savings time. The sky always became darker so much quicker than necessary. The trees were blowing furiously in the wind. It was a chill in the air as the clouds slowly lurked over the village.

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

Our homes being in completely opposites directions I didn't want him to walk out of his way in this.

"No, I'll be fine,"

"You sure?" he asked concern in his voice.

"I'm positive," I said reassuring him placing a kiss on his check.

"…Okay, see you tomorrow," he said placing a kiss on my lips, we lingered for a moment. I couldn't help, but think how much different Sasuke kissed from Naruto.

I quickly regretted my thoughts, shoving them deep back within my thoughts. Naruto ran off. I could barely walk in a straight as the wind blew wildly. The very few streetlights were dim and did very little for my eye sight. There was nobody around and I could feel why. The air was freezing and I wished I put on a heavier jacket. Walking pass the Uchiha house I thought about stopping by and saying hi to Itachi, even though Sasuke and I weren't on speaking terms yet didn't mean Itachi and I couldn't be. I reverted myself from the idea, frightened by the thought of losing a battle against Sasuke. At school, I felt so much braver I don't know why. I felt I needed to say something. That we needed to get pass something so trivial as this. Sasuke I were friends once, and we were starting to become…

The wind had started to lose its vigor. All I had to do was walk through the park up the hill and I was home. I couldn't wait to get home and drink some hot chocolate. As I reached the beginning of the hill, I could see a figure on top. I wondered who would be standing out here, and he seemed to be looking at my house.

I climbed up the hill, and noticed that it was Sasuke. I wondered if there was a way of avoiding him or maybe this was karma telling me 'talk to him.'

I took a deep breath, "Hey," his voice was husky in the wind yet, I still heard him over it. It took me off guard that he knew I was there. No avoiding it, I guess.

"Why are you avoiding me?" the words come out as a blur. I couldn't believe I said it and wanted to quickly take them back.

"I'm not avoiding you," he said nonchalantly, shrugging off my words almost, "I just have nothing to say." He stared out, on the horizon. The few houses that were in the area all belong on the Hyuga estate. My father didn't like intruders or trespassers at all, so he bought the whole property to avoid it all together.

I had nothing to say. What could I say to that?

"Oh" and that was probably the dumbest thing I've could have said. I slapped myself mentally for it.

If this was going to be my last conversation with him I had to ask, "What happened to my mother?"

"The same thing that happened to my family…they were killed," the venom in his voice hurt. I could tell it hurt just as much as it hurt me to think about it.

"I was walking home. I saw your mom. We greeted each other, had some small talk. She froze midsentence and I knew something was wrong. She told me to run and go home, act like I never saw her. I moved maybe a few yards away, frozen. A guy asked about Hyuga related crap. She refused to respond and he killed her. He killed her because she wanted to protect her family, protect their secrets. Even thought your mother wasn't a blooded Hyuga, she still loved you guys no matter the…consequences."

There was a silence between us. all you could hear the roar of the wind pounding against buildings and rustling with trees and their leaves.

"W-Why is that r-relevant to your f-family?" I hadn't notice the tears. I hadn't notice that he was sitting now. I hadn't notice the slight drizzle that fell from the sky. I hadn't notice a lot in this moment. I hadn't notice Sasuke wipe the impending tears from his eyes. I hadn't notice me sitting next to him and placing my hand on his shoulder for comfort. I didn't notice the look he gave me. I just didn't notice. I was oblivious, I guess.

"Your Hyuga elders didn't appreciate the death of one of their own. So they made an example Out. Of. Every. Single. Uchiha."

I was surprised. My heart stopped. My family was the reason Sasuke didn't have one. I couldn't choke out words. My voice was caught in my throat. I only stared blankly at my house as the tears slowly fell from my cheek.

"I-I'm" I swallow hard, "s-so sorry," I said breathless. The news hasn't been able to completely grasp around my brain yet.

"It's not your fault," he said finally. The words came out his mouth flatly. I didn't know if I believed him.

But then again I would hate him, if I was in his shoes. He couldn't hate me and have feelings for me.

"So you and Naruto, uh?" he said monotonously.

"What?" confusion apparent in my voice.

"Change of subject, go with it."

I only nodded, even though he hasn't looked at me since I've arrived.

"You didn't expect it to happen," my voice was harsher than expected. I wasn't sure if I meant it as a question or a statement, but Sasuke only sat there motionless.

"Can't really say…"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I'm not one of those guys, Hina," it's been awhile since he called me that. "I don't throw out cliché-ic bullshit like as long as you're happy I'm happy because I'll never be happy unless I have you."

"Sasuke-" I reached my hand out to touch him. He shrugged me off.

"Don't touch me," he yelled out finally facing me. The rain had picked up pace and the wind still blew, but less vicious as before. Sasuke hair blew wildly, and I could see the stain from the dried up tears on his cheek. His nose was flaring, his eyes were red, his face was pale and all I could see was the pain in his eyes.

"I-I wish I-I c-could—" I didn't know what to say.

"That's just it," he laughed, I grimaced, "You can't do anything. You always want to help somebody no matter what type of bind you're in. Sweet, little Hinata," he laughed again, a softer laugh then before.

"You love him?"

"What?"

"Do. You. Love. Him?" he pronounced every syllable of the word.

"…Yes," I said hesitantly. I always knew I loved Naruto; there was no doubt in my mind. But only on rare occasion does the comparison to Sasuke come crossing my mind. I never know why, but it happens. How they respond to certain situation, how they treat me, how they look at me, how they touch, and how they kiss. It's the slightest thing nobody might ever notice but I do. I don't know why, but I do.

I just do.

Sasuke doesn't question my hesitation only gives me the contemplating look.

"I-I'm s-so—"

"Hinata, you're happy…I can live with that." The restraint in his voice, told me it took everything for him to say that.

He could live with it.

Living with so much pain and regret…because of me, I…

He noticed my face, "I've done it for over ten years, Hina, I'll survive," he said getting up and kissing my forehead.

That was such a Sasuke thing to do. Suck everything up as if nothing happened as if it didn't and wouldn't hurt. I wished I could take the pain away, but I just didn't have the feelings he did. I couldn't pretend. What about Naruto, we finally had something going I was suppose to stop it for Sasuke.

He'd survive. Sasuke could survive anything…I knew that already.

I couldn't control the tears. I felt like such a crybaby. So many times around Sasuke I've cried for no reason. The emotions just overwhelmed me; I couldn't help.

"Please stop crying, I already told I'd do anything to prevent that," he said, "You should go inside. You're soaked, you'll get sick." He uttered softly. I wiped away the tears.

"You're right,"

He placed a kiss on my forehead, lingering there, his hands on my shoulder. I closed my eyes. I didn't know why.

"Good night, Hinata," he said releasing me. There was an emptiness around my shoulders without his touch. It sounded so bitter yet sweet. So finale yet it was only the beginning.

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke," that's all I could say and it would do nothing at all. He simpered at me and walked off. I knew he didn't believe me because I couldn't believe myself.

In my room, after being reprimanded by my father and Neji about being late in the rain, I took my clothes and changed into my pajamas. I stared out the window t where Sasuke and I just were. A few feet away from my home, my room, I just couldn't understand how he made me so confused on what I wanted anymore. I was so sure, completely and utterly positive Naruto was all I needed and wanted in my life, but with Sasuke there was something that Naruto just never did or had. There was a feeling that resonated through my body. It was different with Naruto. Different somehow. Just didn't know if it was good or bad.

I just wish I had a cool of how I was suppose to feel and who I was suppose to feel it for.

Life would be so much easier.

Hoped you enjoyed.

Again sorry for long wait.

Review for continuation.

Flames/Criticism welcomed

Nor proofread


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for reviews…

_**We Love…**_

One thing that I was positively certain of is that I needed more female friends.

Sitting in the café—alone, because I waiting for someone was tiring and depressing. Sitting alone at restaurants were depressing because it made it seem you had _nobody _who wanted to come with you.

Nani slid in the seat across from me.

"So where's your sexy hunk of a man, today?" I blushed slightly at her words.

"He isn't mine," I said finally as her gaze slowly went from teasing to baffled, the utter confusion on her face was obvious.

"You guys broke up?" she asked curiously pushing her glasses up to the bridge of her nose.

"We were never technically together," I said sadly. I didn't understand why I felt a peg of hurt that all I said was true. I felt so vulnerable.

"It's a long story," I quickly said, not wanting to get into it, especially if she didn't want to know.

"Well, I'm technically off duty and I enjoy long stories on rainy days such as today." I stared out at the falling rain. The past few days have been full of rain and there were more to come as the weather man put it.

I half smiled at her.

"Well,…" and I told her the story. The whole story about the journal, Sasuke, Naruto, everything and how my feelings were so conflicted I didn't know how I felt or who they were for.

She gave me a sympathetic look.

"Wow…" she was silent for a second, contemplating on what to say, "If it makes you feel better I've never had this problem. Actually I've never had boy problems—"

"Hey, Hinata," Nani mouth dropped slightly as she stared at who stood behind me.

"Hey, Shikamaru," I said turning towards him getting up and giving him a hug.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. My mother and then Naruto, called then Sasuke, and everybody just ignored me when I said I had somewhere to go and this is exactly why I need a cell phone,"

"You're the one who didn't want one,"

"Yea, cause there so troublesome. People will be able to reach me wherever I am," he shivered, slightly; "besides I don't want to talk you when I'm home I don't want to talk you when I'm not home."

Nani cleared her throat, "I guess I'll be—"

"No, don't. Was I interrupting?" Shikamaru cut her off.

"No, I could use a female and a male point of view."

We sat down for a second in silence…or a lot of seconds, but there was nothing to say.

"You know Sasuke is pretty upset," Shikamaru said finally.

Those weren't the words I expected him to say or wanted him to.

I looked up at him, "Thanks," I said sourly.

"So how does that make you feel?"

"What?" I asked sheepishly.

"How do you feel to know that Sasuke is upset? You find out a lot about how you're feeling by how you react or how you feel about another person's emotions."

"…That's just it I don't know how I feel. I'm so confused."

He looked at me for a moment. He looked at me skeptically and I could tell he was thinking.

"I like him, I do…I just,"

"Don't know who to choose," Nani interjected. Shikamaru looked at her for the first time since we sat down.

"Your problem isn't that you—" she stopped midsentence, "Has Naruto told you he loves you? Have you told Naruto you love him?"

"No, I mean he's texted 'luv ya' but I don't think that counts. It's never been the right moment, I guess," I said shamefully.

"I guess you can say that because it's only been a weeks of dating, but you were so sure before. Naruto this and Naruto that. What's changed?"

"Sasuke—"

"Sasuke's presence shouldn't diminish the love you say you have for Naruto."

"That's not fair. It doesn't diminish anything—"

"So why are we having this conversation then?" she said harsher than I expected her to. Even though her words hurt, they had a point.

"Sasuke and I are friends, and—"

She sighed, "Hinata, when you really love someone you can't just be there friend. Your problem is you're afraid of being hurt."

"But Sasuke hasn't confessed some undying love for me either," I retorted, feeling desperate to win at least one battle.

"It didn't say anything in journal?" Shikamaru returned to the conversation.

"No, not directly anyway. It would something like I love such and such feature or this personality trait but that doesn't mean he loves me."

"Your situation is just complicated because if I was sure that I loved someone I wouldn't be silent about. I would boastful telling them every day so they'd never forget or question it," Nani said, dreamily, her eyes slowly averted to Shikamaru.

I stared between the two for millisecond and the thought of them being a couple didn't cross my mind, but what did I know.

"Relationships are so troublesome,"

There was a long silence; the only sound throughout the café was the sound of the rain pounding on the window and the classic piano in the background.

"What are you going to do?" Shikamaru finally asked.

"I have no idea," I said sadly, what I could really do now. I was with Naruto. I was also questioning if my love for him would last a lifetime, but what if he doesn't want to spend that with me. I'm only in high school about to turn seventeen, why am I even thinking about the person I'll be spending the rest of my life with. One thing I was positive of I was young, we all were. What if Sasuke's feelings eventually changed? What if I died tomorrow? All the what if's in life couldn't change the here and now. Heartbreak was necessary in life to show you who you are and help you in the direction of who were really suppose to be with. So if I was meant to be with Naruto or Sasuke…it would happen…

Hopefully.

"Thanks Shikamaru Thanks Nani. I know what I got to do now," I said getting up.

"Hina," I turned back towards him, "It'll work out, okay," he said sadly yet reassuringly.

"Don't worry about me," I said running out, "Call me." I heard him shout out after me.

Even if things didn't work out for me, Nani and Shikamaru could develop something and I could be proud and say I'm an awesome matchmaker.

Rain was common in Konoha. It's been abnormally raining a lot, since it is winter, but I'm not complaining.

My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I flipped open the screen to see a text from Naruto.

_Really important. Need to talk to you._

I thought of how much irony was in this situation because I had something important to tell him also.

Even in this weather, at this moment standing in front of Naruto's apartment door, I was hoping the decision I was making was the right one.

I knocked softly, still confused, still baffled on how I even got into this situation. I always known Naruto would confess his love for me and we'd live happily ever after. I now realize that happily ever after doesn't exist. Subconsciously, I wondered when I fell for the complete opposite of Naruto. When had I fallen for Sasuke Uchiha?

Naruto opened the door. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a wreck. I stared at him for a second feeling completely ashamed of what I was coming here for. I gulped loudly and stared at the floor.

"What's wrong?" I asked shamefully. My semi-confident mode was shattered in this very instant. All my confidence about living in the moment had now vanished as quickly as it come.

"I have something to tell you," he said finally.

"Come in,"

The silence was killer. I only stared at him, while he stared out into the night sky at the pouring rain.

"I don't know how to say this Hinata, but," he paused, "I love you." I gasped at this new found information.

He stared at me with the blue eyes I so longed desired to look at this way and say those words, but now…

I sighed in a breath, "Naruto," I whispered.

"Wait, please," he pleaded the tears slowly seeping from his eyes. He turned away from me and wiped away his tears.

"I really _really _love you and it hurts me to say this, but—" he paused again, inhaling, exhaling.

The tears started to build up in my eyes not only for this heart wrenching confessing because I would soon have to crush them.

I let them fall freely, "This was so much easier in my head." He said to himself, "I'm still in love with Sakura," he blurted out, finally.

We stared at each other for a moment and I couldn't believe my ears. I was shell shocked. It hurt slightly, but a wind of relief went through me.

"I'm so sorry, Hinata for leading you on, but these past few weeks have been great. I don't know why or how but I really do love you, but I just can't shake the feelings I have for Sakura. I just feel that somewhere down the line I would hurt you. I couldn't live with myself if I did that to you."

"Naruto," I said, finally, standing up from the couch I sat on.

"I'm so sorry, Hinata, please forgive me," he said grippng my hands. His hands were hot and sweaty, but soft. He was really nervous. He honestly didn't want to hurt me, and I thought it was the sweetest thing he could have done. I on the other hand was only thinking about myself in that very moment in my happiness and not how would affect others. I knew that Naruto thought about this and it took every ounce of his courage to say this, and all his strength to stay committed to me without Sakura lingering over his mind, constantly. He made me feel better about those nights I thought of Sasuke when we kissed or as I slept, because he was basically doing the same thing.

I kissed him on the tip of his nose, "Thank you, Naruto," he looked at me, surprised.

"What?" he said, surprised wiping his dried up tears away.

"I feel the same way,"

"What?" still confused.

"I love you, but I', just not in love with you."

His stare was still confused and I wished this situation could be different, "I love Sasuke."

"Sasuke Uchiha?" his tone was amused and I felt a peg of hurt that he felt this situation as amusing.

"So are the one he's been talking about since we were like ten."

I didn't respond.

His eyes became shock and relieved.

"Wow, Sasuke's finally going to be with the girl of his dreams," he smiled dreamingly.

"Hinata, why didn't you say anything before?"

"The same reason you didn't because I didn't want to hurt you. I was confused. I—"

"I understand. Go tell Sasuke," he said finally.

The rain had picked up slightly. A surge of adrenaline ran through my body as I ran across town to the Uchiha's house.

I knocked on the door, vigorously on the door.

"Who is it?" the voice asked angrily.

My face lightened up at his voice. He opened the door and I jumped into his arms placing my lips against his. I could tell he was surprised and I was just happy he caught me.

Kissing Sasuke in this moment reminding me of those times I wasted not being with him. The experience was breathtakingly amazing. It stopped time, no other moment matter it was just me and him. Maybe this was the moment people truly dreamed, the moments that would last forever. That made loving someone special, special no matter if it ended in heartbreak.

"It's about time, baby brother," we released finally and I blushed furiously at the situation we were caught in. my legs wrapped Sasuke waist as he gripped my buttocks holding me up.

"As I recall, you're the one that's single," Sasuke said.

"Techinically you are too," he said playfully walking closer to us. He roughed up Sasuke's hair and placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Hello Hinata," he said flirtatiously.

"H-Hi Itachi,"

"Don't act nervous now," he said once again with that flirtatious tone. I only blushed more. I tried to escape Sasuke grasp but he only held on tighter.

He started to up the stairs, "Let's go, Hina," he said, not really giving me a choice.

"The name you gave her when you were little how cute. Young love, it's adorable." Sasuke only ignored him, and continued to walk up the steps.

And tonight Sasuke and I actually slept together.

Waking up the next morning, I felt exhilarated. I turned to my side and saw that Sasuke wasn't there.

I looked over and he stood at the window.

"Get out!" he said firmly. I only stared confused.

"What?"

"I didn't stutter. What did you think? I wouldn't find out? I don't do rebounds, Hinata, never have."

Before I knew it I was standing outside bewildered at what he could be talking about.

TBC

Sorry for long wait.

Might seemed rushed…sorry.

Story will soon come to an end.

Review please.

Not proofread, but all other chapters are.

Criticism welcomed.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Epiphany **_

When Sasuke returned home; he walked straight towards his room, ignoring his brothers' words. He subconsciously wondered when his brother would return back to his job in America. When he got to his room, he was surprised to she what sat on his bed.

-Earlier-

Days went by as I waited for the phone to ring. I would jump with anticipation hoping it would be Sasuke. It never was. I went over there multiple times trying to example myself. The situation. The misunderstanding. I didn't blame him at all because I could see how he thought what he did.

But I wished he knew me better enough to know that I wouldn't do such a thing.

I stayed locked in my room for the past week. I only came out for food, and school. Sasuke wouldn't even look at me anymore, let alone let me explain. I didn't know what I was supposed to do about it.

"Hinata, you can't stay in there forever," Hanabi pounded on the door vigorously. I hadn't realized before how much I wanted Sasuke until he was gone. It was slowly heartbreaking and torturous. I was lusting for his touch and his radiating heat against my skin. I was yearning for his lips on mine and his arms to wrap around me. But I didn't only miss the lustfulness and pleasurable things he brought with his presence, but his smile, his eyes. I just needed him.

Hanabi's pounding was annoying and aggravating. I opened the window, forgetting my coat. The gust of cold wind had no effect on me, at this point. I landed as the soft snow impacted my fall. I ran to the hill, near my house. The memory of Sasuke and I standing here before hit me and tears slowly rolled down my eyes. I sat back against the tree. If this was the pain Sasuke was enduring for over ten years; I couldn't bare it. It's only been a few days and I felt like dying. Every part of me yearned for Sasuke. The release from the substitute that Naruto provided and what I thought was love made it more apparent from what I was missing with Sasuke. My imagination and hope for a happily ever after wasn't blinding me anymore and I realized I really needed Sasuke, but I knew he wasn't hearing me.

Somebody tapped me on my shoulder and I jumped.

"Sorry, Hinata didn't mean to scare you," I could hear the underlying humor in his voice.

"Hey," I said sourly.

"That's not the way a birthday girl should be behaving."

"I have nothing to celebrate."

He sighed, "You and Sasuke are so…" he sighed once again, "You're walking around moping. He's walking around moping. I'm just want to wring both of you guys neck."

"It isn't my fault he won't even talk to me," I said wrapping my arms around my legs; finally, feeling the coldness in the air.

Itachi took off his jacket and placed it around my shoulders. "He's just stubborn, notoriously stubborn and his ego is hurt because he thinks you only wanted him because Naruto didn't want you. Now I'm positive you wouldn't do that because—"

"I didn't. I swear. It was a mutual decision for both of us," I interrupted.

"Yea, I'm sure, but he isn't hearing anything no matter how much he really misses you. He's so aggravating. But it's not only because he feels you hurt him or he's too stubborn to forgive you or listen to the truth, but he's…" he trailed off, "self-conscious and feels guilty."

My eyes narrowed at the words, "Guilty? About what?"

"It's complicated…sort of, he just still having problems about when are family died. In a way he feels like he's betraying them by loving you, since you are a Hyuga. He also doesn't know how you and he would work, he's self conscious—"

"Yea, I noticed. He thinks before he speaks. If he cares about you he doesn't want to hurt you. He criticizes everything he does and even if he's right he'll still beat himself down for it."

"I guess you know him more than I thought," he said not really towards me.

The more I enter Sasuke's life the more complicated mine became, but I was positive this is what I wanted. He was what I wanted. And I knew he felt the same. If only he just listen to his heart and not his head. If only he gave me a chance to explain. He was so frustrating.

"How is he?" I asked

"He stressed, he fainted a few days ago. The doctor says he can't be too stressed or it'll cause complication more severe than if it was any normal person. Stress is bad for anybody, but somebody who just got a tumor removed from his brain and then just recently woke up from a coma. And he's being a brat, not listening to his doctor."

"Hinata," it was Shikamaru.

"I got to go anyway, Hinata, so here is your present."

"See ya later, Itachi," I said hugging him a farewell.

Shikamaru jogged his way up the hill. It was amusing to me to see his very rare exertion of physical activity.

Shikamaru and I sat there in silence he didn't say anything and I appreciated that. I needed it. I needed to clear my head and think.

Oing back to my house I actually spoke to Neji and Hanabi. It wasn't that they were my problem or I didn't want them to know I just didn't want to see how vulnerable I was. For so long I've worked to be stronger and I am, and there proud. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that. I went to my room and sat down. I opened Itachi's gift and a light went off.

If he wouldn't talk to me this was my only option, I mentally thanked Itachi whether it was intentionally or not, I knew what had to be done.

-Later -

I sat on the bed, wondering what could be inside because I knew it wasn't mine. My name was written on it. I picked up the small notebook and grinned unconsciously.

_You've been ignoring me, avoiding me and won't even speak to me I can explain everything. I'm positive you don't want to believe that I used you as the rebound guy, but think about it. You know me more than anyone. I'd never to do that to anyone, especially you. _

_So if you want you can burn it, throw it away, ignore it completely, but I know you and you care too much about the truth and my feelings to throw get rid of something I know you'll cherish. _

_I know you're mad at me, but that doesn't mean all your feelings have gone away because of that. _

_So Itachi if you're are reading this, put it down NOW!_

_OR ELSE!_

I inwardly laughed at her 'threat' to Itachi. Turning the page…

_Patent _

_Now me, I don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes. In actually I can't say that because I waited for Naruto a long time to, just not as much as you've waited. I can't really say how I would feel because realizing the truth of how I feel and who I feel it for really changed the prospective of how much time I've wasted. _

_I really don't want you to change your mind about reading this so I'm going to get straight to the point. _

_Eyes_

_They go right to your soul. They tell me how you really whether you want them to. They show a pain, anger, and guilt that you've been holding in for so long, but when you're with me, your brother—people you care about its gone, all that hurt your eyes smile. I noticed._

_Smile_

_It's rare and takes my breath away. I always wonder why you never smiled but what reasons did you have, but now you have plenty. You have everything; if nothing else you have your life. You were in a coma, not too long ago remember that. You may not have noticed but I've watched you recently, the left side of your lip lifts ever so slightly when you're amused. I noticed. _

_Sarcasm_

_I don't know sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad. You're funny in that way. You like to surprise people, but don't like surprise. You're bluntly honest and believe the truth hurts, but honesty is the best policy. But you do it more so when you are nervous, getting out of a stressful situation, not showing your vulnerability, but I noticed. _

_Brave _

_You endured so much pain from childhood to know and I know I've never seen you cry for your family, but I know it hurts. You withstood it for so long without talking about. On the hill, near my house I could see how you were slowly releasing the grief, but were still hurting. It's alright to let all that pain go and remember how they lived. And how much they loved you and still do, no matter here or not. _

_Caring_

_I remember when we were little and you would always pick up the worms and ants and place them in a 'safer' so nobody would step on them. You kept the secret on how my mother died to protect me from even more hurt and even potentially hating you. you cared enough for me to keep your feelings a secret to not hurt me, knowing mines for Naruto. You cared enough to wait patiently for me. You care enough to be mad at me when you think I've done something wrong._

_I don't think I've said this to but…_

_No I really want to say it person, but I love you. _

_And I'm sorry._

I realized that I must have really hurt Hinata for her to go through all this trouble. I knew eventually I would forgive her. I had to, but I'd lived so long without her I didn't know I could sustain something that gave me life. She was my reasoning and now having her I couldn't lose her…I would just die, if that happened.

I just needed some time to think, some time to get away. I just needed time grasp my head around everything that happened, might happen, should, could and would happen. Waiting for something for so long you just lose hope and having her so close…

I didn't know how to handle it. My hormones got the best of me and I didn't treat her that way I wanted to treat her. My world shattered when I she and Naruto had broken only hours before me, not because I was sad or anything, but…

I don't know I can't describe because it was obvious they broke up. Why would she sleep with me? No matter how much she cares or doesn't care she would never anyone in the way of breaking their heart. She wouldn't be able to take that pain and neither would anybody else.

Reading the journal for a couple more times, I realized that this was Hinata's finale plea. She was asking for my forgiveness and maybe a chance for a relationship, if not directly definitely in indirectly, because she the type of person who would live forever with the pain of heartbreak. As long as I am happy, she would be able to survive and keep on existing as if nothing else. That's one thing I could never do. One thing I never thought I would have to do, but I did. There are a lot of things people say that can and they wouldn't do because they don't know they've never felt.

Knowing Hinata and who she really is now and how hard she's fought, and persistent, caring and loving she is has really made me see how much I really need her, cherish her, care for her, and how much I really, really love her.

Review Please

One More Chapter To Go

Sorry For Long Wait

Criticism And Flames Welcomed


	13. Chapter 13

Birthday

I was sulking…literally sulking in my room—on my birthday of all days. I left the journal on Sasuke's bed hours ago. It didn't take long to write. I wrote ever raw emotions I've felt for him. I just hope my plea was heard. Hopefully he would forgive me—even if he didn't I could move on…as long as he is happy.

A small knock on the door, startled me out of my thoughts.

"Hinata, are you coming downstairs? Everyone's waiting," Neji's voice soft, full of concern.

"I—really don't feel like celebrating," I turned away from him. I played with a loose strnd of my hair, staring out at the night sky. The night was really beautiful, if you looked at it with a open heart. It was peaceful, silent; it allowed everything else to shine around it. Not absorbed in being noticed, but you always did.

"Hinata, I really think you should come downstairs,"

I wish Neji could understand how I felt. Heartbroken. Completely shattered. But of course he wouldn't understand; he has Ten-Ten and even then has never known heartbreak—not even rejection.

"Neji, please don't make me go down there. Seeing all of my friends—it will only make me feel worse." I said sadly. I placed my chin on my knees, rocking slowly in that curled position.

"—But,"

"Please," I whispered, a salty tear escaping my eyes. I heard the door close. I let out a small whimper…and another. I threw the pillow I was hugging and through it at the door. My eyes filled with tears and I was blinded by them. Is this what it felt like? All life did not exist; that nothing mattered anymore. My love for Naruto felt nothing like this…I really cannot grasp a life with Sasuke.

"If only you let me explain. You would understand. If you didn't have that stupid tumor. If Itachi didn't give me that stupid journal…then I wouldn't love you and hate you at the same time. I wouldn't feel like I'm PMS-ing all the time." I yelled at my stuffed animals on my bed.

"You're stupid. Love is stupid…and I guess I'm stupid for loving you."

"Well let's be stupid together," my whole world stopped. Everything moved in slow motion as I stood and turned my head. Hearing that familiar voice I didn't know if it was real. Everything in my being told me it was.

There Sasuke stood with that pillow I threw—what felt like forever ago, wearing a smirk on his face. I couldn't help but smile.

"Do you really think I'm stupid?" he said finally.

I hugged him, stunned, yet completely thrilled he was here.

"Y-You came back,"

"I don't think I could have stayed away. I love you. I just have a problem believing you feel the same…and I've never done this before. I don't—" he trailed. I understood him. He's never accepted the offers of his fan-girls. He's only had eyes for me, and since I didn't feel the same; he's been moving through life…alone.

I looked in his eyes, confirming my thoughts. He was unsure, even though he tried to hide it. We stood there in silence. Absorbing each other's company, of all the time we missed out on. Talking our silent conversations saying how sorry we were and how much we missed each other. To think it's only been a couple weeks, since it all happen.

"Maybe we should go downstairs now. Everyone's waiting."

"I already got everything I wanted," he leaned down and kissed me.

My only thought was it happened because of that _stupid _journal.

Okay, that was really bad. If you liked it that's great, but I will probably change. Going to do some proofreading, take care of all the grammatically and illogical mistakes, so the story flows.

Review…tell me what you think.

Sorry for long wait.


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